Ok, after writing that post this afternoon, I am even more confused. I met with my ex this evening to get the kids. He was furious that I had brought my mom. It was not good. And I was scared. He called me a bunch of names. He kept getting really close to me. He demanded to know what I was up to. Then he threatened to keep Lucas when I wouldn't react. I had already unbuckled Lucas from his carseat when my ex got in my way and closed the door again, not letting me have access to him. He threatened to keep him. I could see Lucas' face in the window. He was crying. I had just woken him up and this was the first reality to him. He must have been scared. I was scared. If he drove off with Lucas, I would have been powerless.
My ex did finally let me have Lucas. He moved out of the way, and as I got Lucas, he told me that his girlfriend was now pregnant, so I would be getting even less money from him. I pretended not to hear him. I just kissed my son and picked him up. By this time my mom saw that there was a problem and got out of the car. He continued in on her and called us both some more names. We put the kids in the car as he was driving away, honking at us. I was shaking. My mom was shaking. I'm still shaking.
I don't know what to do. What is right? He's been good to the kids, except for he pulls this crap in front of them, as if he's oblivious to their feelings. If he'd stop being so concerned about me, then he might be a good dad, right? Am I still being naive? Do I have the right now to go for full custody?
No, none of you are accompanying me on these handoffs. It would be too much.
2 comments:
crissi,
You have it so hard. I am not sure what to write, but I want to just tell you - heck yeah. I know him - a little at least - I fear for your children greatly. BUt you make valid points. I am reminded of my childhood. I would beg my mom to have nothing to do with our dad. He betrayed our family, and messed things up over and over and over again. But she wouldn't do it. Now they have a great marriage and he is completly clean. Maybe I don't see longterm very well, but I can tell you that from what I hear, I couldn't have my kids there. Everything within me would do everything I could to kepp them. I am not sure if you are looking for opinions, so take this with a grain of salt. Let me at the very least say this - you are not nuts. I completly understand you dillema and your fear. I'll be praying
Hi Crissi,
First of all, I offer my prayers for you and your family right now. I hope I can offer some encouragement. I don't know what it is like to be a child in your children's situation, but I watch my sister go through some of the same struggles as you. It sounds like my sister's ex-husband has some of the same tendencies as yours. I believe he loves his daughter (my niece), but he is ultimately totally destructive and he uses that to take control. And I know it cannot be healthy for the children. The advice I can offer you is to whole-heartedly seek God's direction in this situation. Like Thomas said, we can't see the future, or even the whole picture, but as a mom, you are committed to your children's well-being. If he threatens you and calls you names, what is to keep him from being as verbally abusive with your children? It's a pattern that's hard to break and I know that you are determined to protect your children. Don't tell yourself that you are being selfish, when you are trying to bring your children up safely and with love.
Post a Comment