Silence

Silence.
Deafening silence.
It's so loud.
It's so prominant.
It's so pointed,
          it hurts.
And no amount of noise
     can make it go away.
Except for the Blues,
     and an occasional Latin love song,
          and the piping in of two small big voices,
all I hear is
Silence.

Alone.
A big house
     full of life
          filled with love
               and plenty of things to take care of.
But this isn't that.
Despite my two little ones
     and the smile I wear for them,
I feel I'm in solitude.
And so I am
Alone.

Unfeeling.
Not angry.
Not depressed.
But somewhere in the middle.
But being that I can't name it
     and I can't change it on my own
I am quite numb,
and it amounts to
Unfeeling.

Waiting.
For what? I don't know.
But I'll welcome it any way.
It's arrival will wash over me
     like the relief one feels
          when the pressure is released.
But until then, I'm
Waiting.

And when it comes,
     gone will be the silence
          gone will be the loneliness
               gone will be the apathy
                    gone will be the anticipation.
And in their place,
     whether it brings sadness or joy,
          warmth or heartache,
               turmoil or relief,
I will know.
And that's better than all of this.