Acts 1:7 "...'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.'"
I know I am not alone in my struggle with this scripture. There are times when I want the Lord to hurry up with whatever plan he is brewing in me, or just plain forget about God's time, and try to make it my own. When I do remember that God's time is his own, and that there is a bigger plan in the works than what I can see, I feel at peace and remain patient. But, of course, this is still a struggle.
Of course, this applies to my current situation. I think the biggest conflict I am having right now is being afraid of my ex's judgment. I mean how sick is that? He is not my Lord. And yet, I worry about what he is thinking of me, or saying about me. I worry about the lies that he tells others, afraid that they will also believe him and think less of me. And so I am also worrying about their judgment.
It has occurred to me that I am probably going through so much turmoil with my ex because the Lord is trying over and over to teach me that the only judgment I need to worry about is HIS, my Father's. I am so wrapped up in trying to prove myself to my ex, that I end up failing in the Father's eyes with my words and actions. My ex is not my Lord. I do not worship him. I do not bow down to him. I should not worry about his judgment, as it means nothing to my life.
I have realized that at these times when I am attempting to take time into my own hands, that first of all, it doesn't work. But second, it is probably taking more time than it would had I just laid it at the Father's feet, and been submissive to his time and will. My life is far more chaotic when I am not submissive and patient, and it is this that I need to remember.
*"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...." Grant me the patience I need every time I am in turmoil. Help me to remain at peace in you, and to lay all my burdens at your feet. Allow me to remain your faithful servant in good times and in bad. Remind me every time I am impatient for my struggle to be over, that time is yours and yours alone. Quiet my protests with your love and comfort, and instill in me the knowledge that everything is turning out the way you want it.
Amen.
4 comments:
Crissi, a quote I go back to over and over in my life: "If you had ANY idea how much God loved you, you would never be afraid or worry again." God loves you so much and just like a parent does not get mad when their child falls when learning to walk, God is not getting mad at you when you "fall". He just keeps encouraging and loving you and praising you. Just pretend your a little kid (a child in faith!) learning how to walk. When you fall, look up and say "uh-oh". Let God give you a big hug, say "I love you, Crissi", and then put you on your feet for another try.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like if my wife turned into my ex. I would be constantly worrying about what she thinks or says. I am sure there would even be a competitive spirit. I pray that God is using this and I know from scripture that he is. This openess that you have had these past three days is going to be lifechanging. do not stop. keep pressing in. we are so proud of you and where the lord is taking you. I look forward to it.
Gina and Thomas, you two have continuously given me wonderful words of encouragement. I knew there was a reason I needed to do this blog, as I have such a hard time seeking support when I need it. This has been a wonderful experience for me as I truly get to the root of everything, so that one day I can lead a "normal" life. Thank you!
The encouragement I have received through blogging has been such an amazing blessing in my life. I know that if I'm encouraged, I do a lot better at life in general. My relationship with God is more exciting because of what I get to share with my friends. It's so fun when others are encouraged by what I say also. I couldn't have imagined the amount of encouragement I'd receive by doing this. God is always so good to us, isn't he? He knew what he was doing when he started this blogging epidemic! This is only the beginning.
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