Monday, July 11, 2005

Am I normal?

I'm having this moment in my life where I am wondering what I'm doing. Am I on the right path? Do I really have the answers? Is this it? I am constantly worried about if I'm good enough, and see myself as a failure in God's eyes because I refuse to be faithful enough. And then I feel angry because this is the time I finally get to be me, to be free and live life to the fullest. And then it's almost like Christianity stands in my way. And part of me is pumping her fist in the air, saying "right on girl, life is supposed to be lived," and the other part is scared to even feel that way. And I want it all. I want to love Jesus. I want Jesus to love me. And I want to enjoy life. And I don't want to feel guilty about it. And I wonder if Jesus ever felt this way, that the life chosen for him was too much of a burden for him, and it would be so much easier to just melt into the world and be "normal".

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Crissi. Yes, you're normal. I guarantee if you live life to the fullest and follow Jesus' examples you will look nothing like the people who call themselves Christians and go to church all the time. Don't compare yourself to others. Only Jesus.

Jason & Traci said...

I think we've all asked that question at sometime or another. Even Jesus asked the question, "If it's possible, let this pass from me..."
Sometimes being bold enough to ask the question is a major step toward understanding our frailities and our need for dependence on Him.