Is the Sabbath for God, or for us?

"Then the LORD said to Moses, “The man must be put to death! The whole community must stone him outside the camp.”"

Numbers 15:35

“Then Jesus said to them, “The Sabbath was made to meet the needs of people, and not people to meet the requirements of the Sabbath.”

Mark 2:27 

These two verses seem in conflict with each other. In Numbers, God orders the stoning of a man for gathering wood on the Sabbath. In Mark, Jesus tells us that God created a day of rest for US, and not the other way around (creating us to fulfill the laws of the Sabbath). If God created a day of rest for us - a gift to help us recharge and be our best on our productive days - then why would he stone a man for working on the Sabbath? Was this just part of keeping the Israelites holy, ensuring they stayed in line? In my version, God would have explained his reasons for the Sabbath, guiding through gentle love rather than wrathful vengeance. But in all the stories we've read about the Israelites, they were a hardheaded bunch who complained and rebelled even as they were being rescued and provided for. A gentle explanation may have fallen on deaf ears, and could have also created perceived leniency - leading to a slippery slope of backsliding on any of God's laws. 

My takeaways from these passages: I don't have to understand everything God does. There are some things I just don't agree with, but I also can't see the big picture. God has reasons for everything because he can see all, knows all, and is working toward the greater good. This life is fleeting, but God's kingdom is forever. The life taken from the man who was stoned was just a blip on the forever life we will all receive when God welcomes all of us back home. 

Finally, thank the Lord for Jesus, who took on our sins and imperfections, and tore the veil that separated us from God. No longer are we subject to strict rituals and terrible wrath for our sins. Instead we are offered grace and forgiveness, and allowed to experience the fullness of God's love. 

What is Lent?

We are now in the Lenten season, a period of six weeks that lasts between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. According to many Christian faiths, including the Catholic faith in which I grew up, Lent is a time of fasting for the purpose of penance, repentance, atonement and self-denial. In plain speak, it’s about giving up something I love as a sacrifice to God, and to repay Him for all the sinning I’ve done throughout the year. 

Basically, if I promise God I’ll stop eating sugar, watching TV, saying swear words, or some other chosen fast for 40 days, he’ll absolve me from my sins.

Does that not seem ridiculous to you? 

I am no longer Catholic in my Christian walk, but I am still a believer in Lent. I believe it’s the most holy time of the year, but that’s only because my definition of Lent has changed dramatically from my Catholic roots.

Lent is not about atoning for my sins. There is nothing I can do to earn God’s favor. It has been given to me by grace. My debt has been repaid through Jesus’ sacrifice. I am only asked to have faith (which is a deeper conversation, as faith is not just about saying “I believe,” but about continuously developing my relationship with Jesus, and letting my life reflect that relationship).

So if Lent isn't about atonement, what is it for? You could say it’s about honoring Jesus’ sacrifice through a sacrifice of my own—but even that seems silly. How can I compare giving up sugar (my actual Lent fast this year) to Jesus sacrificing His life so that I could be forgiven? And if I fail in my fast, what does that say about my love for Jesus? Do I not love and honor Jesus enough if I taste sugar before my 40 days are up? By placing a value on my fast, I am opening the door to unnecessary guilt—and I have enough to feel guilty over! 

A better explanation of Lent is that I’m fasting for 40 days as a way of drawing closer to God. Every time I crave sugar, I must shift my focus to God and lean on Him for strength. If it feels too hard, I must pray harder. If I succumb to my sugar addiction, I am to seek forgiveness—not for eating sugar, but for not trusting God to heal me from my addiction. And then I am to experience the fullness of his grace and move forward in trusting Him as my strength. 

Further, this 40-day fast is not about giving up something for 40 days and then living as usual for the rest of the year. Rather, it’s about developing a deeper relationship with God—learning to lean on Him in my struggle, and to crave Him instead of earthly things. Giving up sugar is symbolic of denying the temptations of this world and proclaiming God as my only need.

“A person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ.” Galatians 2:16

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:13-14

Have I been perfect in my fast? 4 days in, and I have not had sugar. However, I’ve been leaning on my own willpower instead of on God. I have filled the void with other foods instead of filling it with prayer. In this, I have not been perfect. 

But Lent is not about perfection, it’s about aiming for devotion. I have years and years of experience in relying on my own strength. When it comes to food addictions, I keep forgetting how badly that’s worked out for me. Now is my opportunity to develop my muscle of faith—to believe that God can cure my appetite for sugar, and can fill the void it leaves behind. It’s not my perfection in abstinence that counts, but my willingness to lean on God. Lent is not about my sacrifice (it’s not about ME!), but about admitting that I can’t do this alone and letting God give me the strength I need.

Lord, it’s natural for me to depend on my own willpower and resolve to fulfill what I want to accomplish. This is why I keep failing. I keep forgetting that I wasn’t meant to do this alone. I am falling on old habits in my resolve to abstain during my fast. If I keep going this route, I will fail. There is only so long that this resolve will be a strong enough reason to avoid sugar, or anything I choose to fast from. But if I lean on You in moments of weakness, You will carry me through. My faith matters more than my sacrifice, and my strength comes from You. Thank you for always being with me, and for giving me the boost I need when I’m tempted to give in. I want to trust you in every struggle. Thank you for your patience. Amen.

Note to readers: If you want to understand the full effect of God’s grace, I encourage you to read the entire book of Romans.

Love keeps no records of wrongs...

My husband couldn't sleep, and his frustration about it woke me up at 3:45 this morning. I snapped at him as he stomped around the room, and then I stewed about it next to him for another 45 minutes. I finally got up at 4:30. I usually wake up at 5, so being awake since 3:45 is not really that much of a difference. Still, I kept thinking of all the ways he was terrible this morning, how I could retaliate, and how intent I was on giving him attitude should he get up with me.... 

❤️ Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not self-seeking. 

It's not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs. ❤️

Sigh. Yes Lord. 

Marriage can be a tough road. Not 3:45 in the morning tough...that's the easy kind of tough. The tough part is when the two of you don't see eye to eye, when one person feels like the scales are unbalanced, or when hurt or distrust resides next to the promise to love for better or for worse. Your spouse is the closest person to you. They get to see all your best parts, as well as all your worst. If the marriage is a true partnership, this reality can only draw you closer. But if trust isn't there, these are the things that can be your undoing. 

I've been in both kinds of marriages. I've been in the one where any imperfection on my part was scrutinized, while my trust of him was broken over and over again. Threats ruled that marriage: threat of hurt, threat of leaving, threat of retaliation... And then there's the marriage I'm in now, where I can get mad at him over waking me at 3:45, but also know that we love each other immensely, even when we're in a fight. It's because trust is there, and there's safety in our marriage. 

If you're reading this, I pray you get to live in that second kind of love, the one where you feel safe, where honor rules, and where you can back down in times when you feel the scales are tipped because you know that weight shifts from your spouse's favor to your favor just as often. It's no mistake that this verse is often used as the marriage verse (it was ours!). It's the kind of love God has for us and wants from us. When your marriage follows the principle of this verse, your marriage honors God. ❤️

Be still

This morning as I read through Exodus, which I do through my YouVersion app on my phone, I accidentally highlighted this verse. I saw it as a sign that this was the verse God had for me today.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. ~ Exodus 14:14

In Exodus 14, the Israelites have fled Egypt and are now camped near the sea. When they see that Pharaoh and his army are pursuing them, they became terrified and cried out to God. Moses reassures them by saying "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still (13-14)."

Then Moses raised his staff and the Lord parted the sea so that the Israelites could cross to the other side. When the Egyptians tried to follow, Moses stretched his hand over the sea, and it went back into place, covering the entire army of Pharaoh so that the Israelites were safe.

Reading the verse that God pointed me toward this morning, I can't help recalling all the times when I have been afraid or overwhelmed while facing my own sea of anguish and turmoil. Back when I started this blog in 2005, I was going through a nasty divorce and custody battle, and recovering from a marriage that had included physical and mental abuse, poverty, and depression. Back then, I had a hard time seeing what God had in store for me. At times, my anguish was unbearable as I allowed fear to rule my faith. God was still in the midst of leading me out of "slavery," but I had a hard time seeing the whole picture. Just like the Israelites, I kept forgetting all of the miracles God had performed to get me to where I was, and I could only see how uncomfortable I was in the moment I was in.

I didn't realize that God had a plan.

I'm writing a book right now that includes themes of abuse and a custody battle. It's a thinly veiled method of coming to terms with my past, and remembering things I have worked at forgetting over the years. As I came upon a scene when the main character was facing her abuser after leaving him, I returned to my earlier entries in this blog so that I could recall how it felt to face my own abuser in court. As I read, I could feel my whole body tense up and my stomach twist in knots as I recalled the fear I felt just by being in my abuser's vicinity. It didn't matter that we were surrounded by people or that I had support. It didn't matter that he couldn't touch me. I was terrified. I was afraid of what he was thinking about me, what he would say in court, and who he would turn against me. In that moment, I saw him as bigger than God, and I placed all my trust in him. I couldn't see anything else.

But God was with me. I didn't know it then, but He was still working the miracle. He led me through stormy seas that included a lot of hurt, discomfort, betrayal, confusion, and hopelessness. Just as the Israelites did, I continued to cry out to Him, in anguish over the pain I was going through while my ex appeared to be prospering. I couldn't see why I had to suffer, and at times I felt like God had left me.

Thing is, God never left. 

While reading Exodus, it's easy to look at the Israelites and believe they're spoiled brats and are blind to all that God's doing for them. I mean, God saves them from the Egyptians, gives them manna from Heaven, and performs numerous miracles in front of them. And yet, they continue to grumble and complain. They even go so far as to create a golden calf and call that their god, spitting in the face of the Lord as they forget everything God has done.

How many times have we done the same thing? I know I have.


It's interesting to look back at the words I wrote 12 years ago, knowing all that's happened since then. While in the midst of my divorce and custody battle, I could see little else than the struggle I was in. I was in my own journey through the desert (which, thankfully did not take 40 years!). I didn't realize the miracle God was working though that journey. He delivered me through fear, blasphemy, mental imprisonment, and depression. He held my hand when I eventually needed a restraining order, and he offered encouragement through whispers, and through the support of a community of family and friends.

He's there every time I kneel in prayer. He's there every time I forget his generosity and I turn my back on Him. He's there every time I realize I can't do this without Him. He's there, because He loves me with an unfailing love, and He promises to never leave me. 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.

2005 seems so long ago. I survived the custody battle and divorce. I healed from my wounds. I got a job and learned how to support myself and the kids. I married a man who honors me with his love and respect, and who I love in the same way. I have a voice now. I am stronger in my faith. I see the bigger picture now. On the other side, I can see why God had me go through so much turmoil and pain. He was only preparing me for the life I have now.

I'm only human, though. I still have moments of discomfort when I cry out to God. In the back of my mind, I now know that He is working a plan. However, I still experience faithlessness and impatience as I yearn for peace and comfort.

But how would I grow stronger if I never had to struggle?

As long as we rely on ourselves and place our faith in anything but God, we will continue on an aimless journey through the desert of our discomfort. But when we submit to God's will, resting our lives in His hands so that He can fulfill his plan for us, He will deliver us to the promised land -- the place He's been leading us all along.

Lord, thank you for all the times you have saved me from myself in this journey. I have been nowhere near a perfect daughter, and yet you embrace me every time I come back to you. When will I learn that you are always with me? When will I let go of my fears and trust that you know what you're doing? You know what you're doing. I am blessed beyond measure because of your grace, and I know that you are not finished with me yet. All I am, all I have, all I'll ever be is because of you. Thank you, Lord. Amen.