You ever have everything you ever prayed for, and were suddenly freaked out that it was all going to fall? It's called placing all your treasures here on earth. And I am guilty as charged. I'm having a hard time trusting that God is taking care of everything, and I feel like I am about to fall into a giant hole. I feel scared for what I might lose due to my own shortcomings, and shame for those shortcomings. I feel the need to find something to hold onto for dear life, because everything is happening so fast: my job, my future, life. I'm afraid that if my mighty control snaps, everything will spin out of control. As if I am God. As if the world spins because I will it.
I should be elated. Everything is happening according to plan. But it's all happening so fast, too fast, and my doubts are overpowering my confidence. God is there. I know it. But I am having a hard time holding onto Him. Or rather, letting Him hold onto me....
1 comment:
letting go should be easy... weird how it can be the hardest thing to do.
You know the Footprints poem? I often wondered what the man's life would have been like if he had known that God was carrying him at the time. Instead perhaps, he was a struggling child (and you know how hard they are to carry). If only we knew the arms were there.. we could stop struggling.
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