Despair

Sometime life is unfair.

Suffering seems to be all around.

I look at this world, and sometimes I wonder what the point of all of it is. Sometimes it's easier to tune out the world's suffering. Sometimes it's easier to focus on what's right in front of us, and forget all the rest of the world. There's war going on all over the world. There's a comic strip in the newspaper that is joking about advertising the wars as WW III. It's point is, isn't that what's going on anyways? The not so funny truth to it is, yes. And it's easy to just say, yeah, a war is going on. It's hard to think of all the suffering that's going on because of it. There are families that are too poor to get out of harm's way, and are probably going to die because of that. There are families that are suddenly being ripped apart by death for the sins of those in charge. It's heartbreaking.

Close to home, there's more war. I went to our county's fair last night. I was dismayed at what I saw, and am willing to skip the fair from here on out. By 5 pm, the fair was crawling with people who were up to no good. My kids and I were standing in line for the Ferris Wheel when two dipshits broke through the line, swinging punches at each other with no regard for those around them. They physically shoved their way through the line, not caring if anyone was hurt in the process. And in the process, they ran over an innocent toddler who was standing in line, and she fell to the ground right in the danger of their fight. I grabbed my two kids close to me as her parents ran to save her. And still these guys continued to fight while their "posse" surrounded them to see the "excitement". The rest of us backed way up to get out of the way, in case anything more stupid were to happen, such as weapons being pulled. I yelled out that their were kids around. I was fuming. How could a human being be so callous as to be unaware of those around him? The funny thing is, I got such a rage in me that I wanted to get in that fight and do some damage to them for putting all of us in danger, and endangering our children. The mama bear came out in me, but I held her back. And afterwards, I was left with this sense of hopelessness of where the world is heading if it is consumed by these gangs and people who idolize them.

Even closer to home....

This morning a mother deer was seen on our street, limping on three legs while she dragged her fourth (front) leg. Her fawn trotted alongside her. The deer had been hit by a car, and was suffering. The saddest part was her fawn, who no doubt would be raising itself in a matter of days. The deer limped her way to the fig tree behind our house to finally rest, her fawn ever at her side. And we stood by helpless. A call to Animal Rescue let us know that the best course was to leave the deer alone, and let nature take its course. Basically that meant that the deer would die, and the fawn, during the last few days, would get a head start on learning how to care for itself. A call to Animal Control brought them out here to put her out of her suffering before that could even take place. And all us bystanders can do is hope that this little deer is an old enough fawn to have already received the skills to care for itself.

And over a deer and its baby, I felt extreme sadness, a sum up of all I've been feeling over the unfairness of life at times.

Unfortunately, such is life. It's not meant to be fair. It's not like that news makes it any better. But it's the truth. But the unfairness of life also gives us strength. With my own personal struggles, I know I have gained strength. That fawn, he will learn how to care for himself, early, yes, but nonetheless, he has no choice. Suffering helps us to cope with life. To make do for ourselves. To right the wrongs that we can, and cope with those that we can't.

I do not have the answers for all suffering. Nobody here on earth does. I do not know the "greater good" for the war, whether gang or world. I am pissed off that this is how people choose to "solve" their problems. I do know that what we witnessed at the fair gave me a great opportunity to talk to the kids about the stupidity of these "men", and how much danger they put others around them in. But I also know that I'd rather have this conversation with them without the visual example.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson says: "All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen." God knows. It doesn't change the despair I feel over the destruction of this world. But it gives me a glimmer of hope to know that someone is in charge, and knows WHY. It gives me relief that it is not my duty to worry myself senseless about the state of the world, that someone else is handling it. The only thing I can do is worry about me, be Jesus' example, live my life according to how I want to see the world. Share my hope and love. Spread God through my life. Understand that the world is one circle of life, a life-death-life cycle that will continue to the end of days. All I can do is love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind, and love my neighbor as myself. (Luke 10:27) The rest? God's in charge.