Excuse me while I change my mind again. And no, this is not set in stone, and yes, it will probably change again.
I am struggling with the whole custody thing. I am being pulled by members in my family and by my own counselor to keep fighting legally for full custody and less visitation for Ex. But I am A)tired of fighting, and B)ready for some peace.
This whole fight has caused a lot of turmoil inside of me, and it's just not worth it anymore. I know that each time I have tried to be peaceful with Ex, it has caused a lot of anguish for me by his demeanor. But I'm willing to risk it again to just not have to go get a lawyer and start fighting dirty.
If Ex and I can come to terms with all of this and commence peaceful co-parenting, it will be happier for us and for the kids. And I won't be so stressed out. Truth is, it is nice to have the kids gone a day or two a week so I can regain some sanity for when they come back. I never got a break before when I was married, and always longed for it. Now I get it.
And as for his ways with the kids, maybe he'll learn more. He has learned quite a bit since the divorce, I'll give him that. And while his ways aren't exactly my ways, it is unfair for me to expect that.
This whole fight has cost me my peace and serenity, my happiness with self, a possible recent relationship with someone I cared about, my focus on the important things, and so much more. To let go means picking some of those lost things back up. I don't really know where to go from here, but my goal is to find my peace again. I'm really tired of this consuming me, and I feel like it's holding me back from being a whole person. I'm going to have to swallow a lot of pride on this, I will be mocked for this, and I will also be disappointing a lot of people in this. But I will be regaining myself, and wouldn't it be great to do this parenting thing as a team eventually, instead of as enemies? The biggest thing, I know my kids will be happy.
This is my decision for today..... :-)
3 comments:
Crisi, CRiSi, CRISI!!!
Long time lurker : )
Oh my. It may not be the "best response" according to some... but I must say, HOORAY!
I too have just left a divorce from a man I KNOW is not a great man. His heart is good but he can not express it. He is abusive both emotionaly and also physically (although only once).
Everyone tells me to stand up and fight...
but I DONT WANT TO FIGHT!
His daughter needs him... and I need him to be there for HER too.
I too may let a lot of people down when I am not the "strong woman" they want me to be....
but I honestly feel like I am STRONGER because of my decision to give in a litle. I swallowed my pride and said, you screwed things up with me... but here is your child and I want you to have this opportunity.
It's better this way.
UNLESS he is a danger to your children or to you in ANY way, give them the chance to know him because he might not deserve it.. BUT YOU DO! AND SO DO YOUR CHILDREN.
...
It may turn out he is just as unhealthy for them as he was for you... but you've got to let that be decided out side of yourself... as you are doing (as you say... at least for this moment).
YOU ARE STRONGER FOR GIVING HIM THE CHANCE.
that way he will never have the opportunity to say to your kids "She took you away."
That will be important later when they ask questions...
Crissi, I know it's tough hearing different stories and opinions from different people. My suggestion: Read through John. Read Jesus' words and then ask God specifically to show you how to put them into action in your situation. I think you're doing the very best for you children. I'm proud of you for standing strong for what you really believe is best.
You are so good for not using your kids as pawns in any kind of battle v. the Ex.
Nevermind what your folks, et al., say...do what you know is in your heart. Jt custody ain't so bad. There are definitely kids of divorced parents in my school and you can tell the ones who do it right, and the ones who have no clue.
Who pays? The kids of course.
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