Praise for camp, and more

I will be gone at camp from Saturday to Saturday, July 1st through July 8th. This year I am the adult advisor, as the teen staff chose me to be their leader this year. I am so honored about this, since I have been going to this camp since I was a young teenager myself. Now I'm on the grown up side, and it's still loads of fun.

Needless to say, I will not be blogging this next week. I will try to catch up on praises when I get back, but I might not. Hey, just being truthful!

But today I have several praises to help out.

First off, I praise God for camp, as I'm really excited. It's going to be loads of fun for a whole week. No work, no traffic, nothing but good fun in the sun while pretending to be in charge of the kids. :-) It's basically a week long vacation for us adults!

Second, I praise God for electricity. We had ours turned off (a scheduled power outage due to work on the lines) from 9 am to 3 pm. At first, I was thrilled, since this meant that today I didn't work. I had crammed yesterday, making sure my report was out on time so I could take today off. And I looked forward to all the plans I made today for goofing off. Unfortunately, we are on well water, and our pump went out too. No flushing toilets, no water to brush our teeth, I couldn't even shower.

Third, I praise God for running water. See above.

Fourth, I praise God for my paycheck, as I got new clothes today. Yeah, I know, a little bit of a materialistic praise. But my wardrobe has been lacking, and I really needed more shorts and stuff. Let's just say, I'm going to have a really CUTE camp week!

Fifth, and final, I praise God for all the help I am receiving this week with Lucas, my son. I'm always nervous around this time because I have to leave Lucas behind. It's nervewracking knowing that I'm not the one making sure that Lucas' schedule is being handled. But thanks to my dad, my sister, and my boyfriend, Lucas will be very well taken care of, and will have loads of fun this week. I am so very greatful for all of them! But I will miss him tons.

Ok, I'm good up to Tuesday on my praises. Write y'all when I get back!

Praise for Smiles

Praise God for today, for everything that is making me smile! These days I have so much to be greatful for, so much to give praise for. I woke up this morning with a smile. As I drove my son to preschool, I thought about what I wanted to praise God for in my blog, and smiles came to mind. I'm in such a good mood today, that I want to share all that is making me smile, just today alone.






    SMILE!

• For the memory of a lingering kiss. Being in love, and being loved, makes me smile.
  
• For the Dave Matthews CD "Crash", especially the 5th and 6th song. The way those two songs merge into one, that makes me smile.
  
• Waking up early before anyone else. The morning makes me smile.
  
• Enjoying a perfect cup of coffee with soy milk. Mmmmm!
  
• Finally being one and at peace in my beliefs and faith in God. Having no conflict inside of me, and feeling this close to God gives me reason to smile.
  
• 40 Days of Praise makes me smile!
  
• My friend Kristie, who is on a mission trip to Cambodia. Her courage and selflessness make me smile. See her pictures HERE. To read about it, CLICK HERE.
  
• Knowing that camp is two days away makes me smile.
  
• Big morning hugs from my kids. :-)
  
• My new layout here on my blog. I really like the way it looks, with all the blues and ocean, it makes me smile.
  
• Slumber parties make me smile.
  
• All my future life plans that are in the works make me smile.
  
• When my mom talks to the chirping bird outside stealing our cat's cat food, telling it to cut it out as if it understands, that makes me smile.
  
• My daughter mimicking me by drinking tea every day makes me smile.
  
• Another work week filled with lots of orders (i.e. more hours=bigger paycheck) makes me smile.
  
• My friends, and being able to hang out with them, make me smile.
  
• Another promise of a beautiful day makes me smile.
  

Thank you God for all this happiness you've placed in my life! Thank you for all the reasons I have to smile. I praise you for such a beautiful, universal way to show happiness.

Praise for COFFEE!!!

I know Danielle has already done it, but praise God for COFFEE!!!

When I was about 14 or so, my dad and my aunt started their own coffee shop up in the mountains, in Calavaras County. When I'd come up to visit, I was put behind the counter. I learned really quick how to froth milk perfectly, make a great mocha, and earned a love for vanilla lattes. I was also a terrible barista, as more than once I snuck a thumb in the coffee to make sure it got warm enough. The biggest thing I came away with was a newfound love for coffee.

There is nothing better (according to me) than getting a strong Americano in my favorite local coffee shop, and sitting in solitude while listening to some good music. When I was newly divorced, I didn't really know what to do with myself. But I knew that I needed to get myself out of the house when I could, or else I'd regret it. So I'd go to the coffee shop. And I'd bring a book or a newspaper. But I'd use that as my cover up of watching people, or just enjoying being alone. Going to the coffee shop became, and still is, my idea of a perfect afternoon or evening.

I am now a coffee snob! My grounds come from beans, and I grind them every morning. My favorite kind of coffee to make at home is Sumatra, and I love using a french press to make the perfect cup. Oh, here's a good recipe for french press coffee:
Grind up the beans with a pinch of chile powder, coarse black pepper, and cinnamon. Put it in the french press and let steep with hot water for 5 minutes. Enjoy! I tell you, delicious!

So yes, I praise God for coffee, for morning coffee, afternoon coffee, coffee made just right from the perfect bean. And if you ever want to bring me a cup, I take a bold cup with half and half or soy milk. Thank you!

Praise for All I Take For Granted

There are so many people in this world that are without. Things that I take for granted, such as the toothpaste I brush my teeth with, the hot water I bathe in, the clothes (even the unstylish ones) I wear everyday, the clean water I drink, being able to leave my house without fearing for my life, the fact that I have all my limbs, that my kids get to go to school safely, that my kids are healthy and well fed....there are people out there who do not get such luxuries, and cannot fathom the thought of taking such things for granted.

I praise God that my privileged life is now normal to me that I DO take it for granted at times. There was a time when I wasn't so privileged, that to see me now would see me as rich (and I'm not, by any means). There was a time when the choice for dinner was a peanut butter sandwich or top raman with corn. That's it. To turn on the light meant to make sure the microwave and the toaster were not plugged in. New clothes? Try Salvation Army...and THAT was a luxury if I could afford even that, especially if I scored on something that fit nicely. For the luxury of a morning newspaper, I'd turn over the couch cushions for change. No nice shampoos, sometimes we ran out of toilet paper, we used the same toothbrush for 6 months, I couldn't wash clothes as much as I needed to, utilities were being turned off and notice was given publicly as it was taped to our front door, our car was towed away for failure to pay, we skipped birthday parties because we couldn't afford a present for the child, we had to tell our kids over and over again that we didn't have the money, Christmas was basically donated to us one year or we would have had nothing.... We did not invite anyone over to our house, for it was an embarrassment. We lived in a poor mentality of never thinking that things could be better...and never thinking we could MAKE it better. It was all humiliating. It all became normal.

I praise God that I do not live in poverty any longer, and never will again. I praise God that I do not need to submit income statements to the county, use food stamps at the store, count pennies to make a quarter, hide in a home darkened by shuttered curtains and no electricity. I praise God that THIS life, a life of happiness and comfort, is now normal. I praise God that my former life was brief, and mostly forgotten. And I praise God that some of it will never be forgotten, lest I take this life completely for granted.

Praise God for Agape Love

There are four different types of love. Philios Love is the first of the four loves. It is a human love that is very selfish in nature. Stemming from man's innate desire to be accepted and loved, it is selfish in nature and expects reward in loving the beloved. Storge Love, the second of the four, is more of a maternal type of love. It too, is a human type of love. Though less selfish than Philios, it expects reward for loving the beloved as well. It is a more solid type of love, being instinctual in nature, but nonetheless, it must be "rewarded" to keep on loving. And, finally, there is Eros Love, another human type of love. It was named after Eros, or Cupid, from Greek Mythology. This is more of a physical type of love, yet it can also be nonphysical in nature. It too, is very self serving, and expects reward for loving. It is the love that is most often abused and misused, and confused for "love" when in fact, it is not "love" at all, but lust. Eros, as well as Philios and Storge, can be very beautiful loves. A close friendship, a bonding between parent and child, or lover and beloved, and a sexual union of man and woman as One Body.

All three of the above named loves are human in nature, meaning that they do not "need" God to exist. They do exist on their own, either seperately or in conjunction with one or both of the others. But, being "human" types of love, they tend to wither and die, as all things human must die. Unless they find a way to be cohesive to each other, by a bond beyond human strength and understanding, it is their destiny to dissolve, dissipate, and die. Fortunately..there is a Supernatural Element that can and does bond the three loves together in an Eternal way. That Supernatural Glue is Agape Love, or...God's Love.

Corinthians 13
Love

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."



The Apostle Paul gave to the world the most beautiful explanation on what love truly comprises. His words cannot be surpassed by any song, any love letter, any book, any poem, or any movie. His words are Eternal words, for they speak of God, and God's Love...Agape.

Agape is God's Love. Unlike a human love, Agape cannot die...for God cannot die. God is Eternal, and therefore, His Love is Eternal as well. Agape is also PERECT, it is UNCONDITIONAL, it is COMPLETELY FORGIVING. No human being that I am aware of, aside from Jesus Christ, had or has, or ever will have, the ability to love in this manner. How, then, can we experience Agape? How can we possibly join our human loves to God's Love? We can't. But God can...and will...if we will let Him. God is the CREATOR of LOVE. He knows how the story ends, because He wrote the Book on Love. And, if we trust Him, learn from Him, follow His teachings and His ways, then we too can share in His Agape Love...just as we too can share in His Eternal Life being finite men that one day must die.

We as humans can never completely know Agape in this life time, for we cannot completely know God in this lifetime. It is impossible. But, God knows us..each one of us...personally. And, He loves us...all of us..unconditionally, perfectly, totally, and undyingly. The major difference between Agape Love and all the others is this: Agape loves for loves sake. It expects no rewards, it wants nothing in return...except that love be given back to it. And the neat thing is that the more you give back to Agape, the MORE you receive in return. It is an unending well of strength and supply from which to draw, and if a couple can tap into this Well, their love will be an Eternal Love.

God, I praise you for love. And when I praise for love, I know I am praising You. For You are love. Nothing in this world feels better than love, and in essence, nothing feels better than YOU. I know that when I am loving someone else, I am not only loving You, I am giving You to another, and they are giving You to me. Thank you for your unconditional love for me, that you love me even in my imperfections. Today I praise you for the biggest part of our existance: LOVE.

Two days of Praises - Praise for Blogs

So, I've been away from my computer this weekend, and I missed my daily praise. So today I will give two lighthearted blog praises, but praises just the same.



Yes, it seems silly. But praise God for Post Secret. I smile at some, feel sad for others, and relate with a couple that I hold as secrets, too. Every Sunday they post new secrets, and every Sunday I faithfully check them out.

Another blog I am praising God for is A New Life Emerging. This guy is so completely inspiring, and just amazes me with his faith and knowledge. I strive for a spirit like his. I encourage anyone reading this to check him out regularly.


Anyway, in general, I praise God for the blogging world. I started this a year and a half ago as a totally different person. It's interesting reading through past blogs and seeing how much I've grown and changed. I've questioned many things through this blog. And I've even some to some answers in this blog. Someday I will feel the need to stop blogging. But for now, I'm still here and growing with it.

Praise for Girlriends

There's this one "Sex and the City" episode where Carrie is in Paris, after moving there with her boyfriend. And she happens upon this cafe where 4 french women are having lunch together, much like she used to do with her girlfriends back in New York. And she realizes how much she misses them in this strange country where she only knows the man she moved with.

Today I praise God for girlfriends in general. These past two years of being divorced, I have discovered the importance of my relationships with friends. During my marriage, I did not have any close friendships. I had one girlfriend, Wendy, who kept in contact with my unfailingly. And I did not know how to be close to her and confide in her. Since my failed marriage, friends have been popping up out of the woodwork, old and new. And without them, I do not see how I could have survived this. Wendy has still been there for me, and the relationship has definitely strengthened. Lori has been there for me through my custody battle, and as a true confidante through my struggles with all this. New friends through an old homegroup, Gina, Donnell, and more, have been girlfriends that have helped me grow. I've been having much more fun, have girls I can call on a whim to bitch to, laugh with, support and be supported, and just have that female companionship that every woman needs in their lives. Love relationships are wonderful, but those you share with those of your same sex are vital to live and relate with. Having girlfriends has given me a life filled with fun and sisterhood. Praise God for girlfriends!!!

Praise for THIS GIRL

(Yes Gina, I raped your MySpace for some pictures.....)

I praise God for friends, but I praise God today for Gina.

I remember the first time I saw Gina. She was one of the singers on the church worship team. And I thought she was just beautiful. Gina had a more alternative look to her, not a look you normally see on the stage at church, but not classless either. I admired her, her originality. But I never actually got to meet her until we started going to the same church "homegroup". Of all things, it was the marriage class. She was there for tools in a future marriage. I was there for tools in a hopeless marriage. But still, we didn't get to know one another. It wasn't until I started going to a different homegroup after the breakup of my marriage, one aimed at people my own age, that I actually got to MEET Gina.

Gina and I clicked right away as soon as we got to know each other. I'd like to say we shared the same passion for God, but I found hers to be much more pure. Gina would hold these worship nights at her house once a month, inviting people over to her house. Here's one worship night that she held a year ago as an example. I found these nights to be so God-filled and inspiring. I'd ask Gina how she came up with these ideas, and she'd give all glory to God, professing that she would wait for God's word. Sometimes his word didn't come until last minute, and still she'd throw together these awesome worship nights. She did this for a whole year, as God instructed her to, and then stopped. For good? I don't know. I do know I miss those nights. I also know that when I am around Gina, her passion for God still inspires me.

Gina has a rock solid faith. This is what I see. She loves God with all her being. She holds the same frustrations as I tend to hold, but the difference between her and me is she does something more than complain about it. While I can blog about such and such disgruntlement I am feeling, she goes out and forms a new group, actively worships, emanates GOD. Sometimes when I am around her, I hope that her spirit will rub off on me.

Gina is unbelievable creative. In worship, she has this amazingly sweet voice that carries us all. She also plays the picalo during some songs. She takes great photos. She is a talented artist. Her worship nights were even more inspiring thanks to her God-given gifts of creativity and artisticness (that might be a Crissi-ism...). I don't want to say I am envious....

Gina has this laugh that is infectious. Her sense of humor is pretty corny, she totally matches my own. And when she laughs, she laughs with her whole being.

This year, Gina went through the heartbreak of losing someone she loved through a hard break-up. I know what that's like. When I went through the same thing two years ago, I must have laid on the couch without eating for months. I made mistake after mistake in desperation. I was in poor shape. It took over a year for me to get on the healing side of the break-up. Gina, though this is an extremely hard trial for her, does not wear her pain on her sleeve. She doesn't deny it. But she is still alive. She still made it a point to live her life as she did before: worshipping, creating, being a friend. Through this, I saw an amazing strength in her, more so than before. She still laughed, consoled, had faith. She doesn't see her strength. I think she's one of the strongest people I know.

Gina is hellbent on sharing Jesus by SHOWING Jesus. She agrees with me that this speaks louder than words. Gina SHOWS Jesus by her unfailing love and compassion.

When I began seeing someone who practiced Buddhism, I was afraid to tell anyone in my church for fear of the backlash I would get for dating outside my faith. But I knew I could talk to Gina about him. When I knew that I loved him, she was overjoyed for me. Even with all she's going through. Even though he is not Christian. She saw what was important for me, that someone loved me and truly cared for me the way I'd always wanted to be loved and cared for, and that I was truly happy.

Gina has been there for me through all my crap. I consider her one of my best friends, the one who gets to see all of me unashamedly, for she holds no judgment. Gina, I love you, and I praise God for you, and for allowing me the honor of being your friend!

Her love
for God
inspires me.
I cannot
fathom
how
this much
FAITH
can live
in one person.
Beautiful.
Inspiring.
Giving.
Selfless.
She
captures
anyone within
soul's reach.
I am in awe.

Praise for the Night

"Fireflies, sparks, lightning, stars,
Campfires, the moon, headlights on cars
The Northern Lights and The Milky Way
You can’t see that stuff in the day

When the earth turns its back on the sun
The stars come out and the planets
Start to run around
They call that day is done
But really it’s just getting started
Some folks take comfort in that

How dark is it
It’s too dark for goblins
How dark is it
It’s so dark you can smell the moon
How dark is it
It’s so dark the wind gets lost
How dark is it
It’s so dark the sky’s on fire
How dark is it
It’s so dark you can see Ft. Worth from here...."
Guy Clark, "The Dark"

Praise God for the night. There is something special about nighttime, after everyone has gone to bed, and it's just me, God, a cat swirling around my ankles, and the night sky that goes on forever and ever. It is in these moments when I realize just how big God is, and how small he is too at the same time. It is in this moment that I see God in everything.

I am fortunate where I live. There are no city lights impeding my view of the night sky. You can see millions of stars from where I live. You can see the Milky Way clearly. If you stand out there long enough, you can see several meteors making their way across the sky. It is in this moment that I can talk the most clearly with God. Sometimes I sing to Him. Sometimes I pray outloud, praising Him. Sometimes I just breathe Him in.

At night, the driveway is still warm from the heat it has gathered during the day. I sit cross-legged on the asphalt and allow my old cat to climb into my lap. Usually she is skittish, and won't let anyone pet her. But it's as if she waits for me to come out there for my nightly ritual. And there she is, her small meow reminding me it is time to sit down and allow her into my God time. First she tentatively places a paw on my leg. Then she kneads my thigh like she's a kitten again. Then she cautiously steps into my lap and curls up, burying her head into my stomach and allows me to massage her head while she chirps happily. She's my baby again, as she was 13 years ago.

Thank you God for this safe place you have put me in. Thank you for the starry nightsky you have created, almost as if it were for my enjoyment alone. I praise you and everything you have created, for you are in all of it.

Praise for Work

Yes. You read correctly. Praise God for work. And not just any work. Praise God for MY job.

My job consists of researching property history, taking pictures of houses while driving all over Sonoma County and beyond (which means cranking up the stereo and enjoying the scenery), being invited into the most beautiful homes you could imagine, and comfortably typing up reports from the comfort of my own home. Most days I am typing up at my kitchen table. Beautiful days like today, I type up outside on the patio furniture, wearing nothing but my swimsuit as I "multi-task": type up and work on my tan. My arms are looking nice and brown. My back, well, it's a little lobsterish right now. But not having to sit in a windowless cubicle with the air conditioning as my only source of air? Priceless.

But besides that, I am fortunate to have a job right now. It doesn't pay well at the moment. I am broke more often than not. But I have a promising future ahead of me. And there are so many people out there who do not have jobs, and not for lack of seeking one out.

So, thank you God for giving me a good job, one I enjoy and one that will give me the future I am planning for.

Praise for Motherhood

To go with Danielle in her 40 Days of Praise, this will be the beginning of my Praise Blog for the next 40 days (give or take a few due to absence from the computer....). I have so much to be thankful for, this should be no problem at all!


(I know this is a repeat picture, at least I believe it is.
But the look on their faces is radiating such joy,
I couldn't find one more perfect)

Today, I praise God that I am a mother. There are so many women out there who are unable to have children, and I thank God all the time that he blessed me with fertility. I have always known I've wanted to be a mom. And God blessed me with the patience, the learned lessons, all the tools I need to raise these children up right. And He gave me such wonderful children, at that.

Lucas, while his energy can drive me bonkers at times, has this drive that I can only marvel at. He is good at every sport he attempts, he's super fast, he's not much for lying around, as he's always on the go. But even in all that, he always takes time to stop and give me a big hug, for no reason at all. Then he's off again. He's very easy going, and generally a happy child, and ever so loving. He has a soft spot for younger children, and even as rough as he can play, he is aware of those younger than him and makes sure to be gentler around them.

Summer, my oldest, is going to be a great mother herself one day. While she can be bossy with Lucas, I see her genuinely watching out for him. She is very protective of him and makes sure he is safe at all times. Sometimes I have to remind her that she can be 8 years old, not 28! And Summer is so smart! She reads so well, novels and everything. She enjoys learning, and school comes easy for her. I used to feel guilty that I didn't get so hands on with her school work, she always seemed to finish her homework before she even got home from school. I hardly ever practiced spelling words with her, or made sure her reading log was filled out correctly. But she'd come home with A's on her spelling, and her reading log was always turned in correctly. The girl has a good head on her shoulders. I praise God for her genuine goodness, that even after all she's been through, she is such a good girl who aims to do her best. I admire the strength I see in her, the wisdom she possesses beyond her years. She's capable of so much that I have to remind myself that she is still just 8 years old.

And lastly, I praise and thank God for any future children I will have in my life, stepchildren and children that my future husband and I will create together.

Thank you God for my wonderful children, for this blessed gift of motherhood. Of anything I could be in my life, being a mother is what I wanted most, and am most proud of. And I praise you for this.

In the Sun

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you
Joseph Arthur, "In the Sun"

Life Testament: Old and New

There are times when I love to just sit back with the bible and get into the Old Testament. It is so interesting to read about the people of so long ago, the stories of their lives, and muse about what they were going through. They were human like me, with human emotions, going through human struggles as we all do. But those of God's choosing did so on a closer playing field with God, a God who revealed Himself to His people openly. I like to think about what it must be like to be them. What was the fear Abraham must have felt as he led his only son, Isaac, up on the mountain to sacrifice at God's command? Did Moses question his sanity as he communicated with a burning bush? Would I have joined the Jews in dancing around a golden calf, handing over my gold to help create it? I can only imagine the heartache Samson felt when the woman he loved betrayed him. Or the fear Adam and Eve felt when they sinned for the very first time.

In the Old Testament, God was shown as a strict and terrifying God. He loved His people, yes. But he also rained wrath on them for punishment. Karma definitely existed in the way that God dished out sinner's punishments here on earth. The Jewish people were given rules and were set apart from others to keep themselves holy. If they sinned, they were to atone for their sins through a pure sacrifice. Otherwise, their sin remained on them.

The GOOD NEWS of the New Testament is with the life and death of Jesus, everything changed.

Jesus is our sacrifice, one who is pure and good, and pleasing to the Lord. Through Jesus, all our sins are forgiven and we will join Him one day in the next world. But you know what also happened with the sacrifice of Jesus? The Old Testament became a history, and the New Testament became our gospel. And it's confusing when scripture from the Old Testament is used to prove a point, especially when used out of context, when Jesus changed all of that. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty in the Old Testament that I read and get insight from. The suffering of Job, I learn from his continued faith though everything was stripped from him. The wisdom in Proverbs, though I take some and leave some. The beauty in Psalms, some of which could have been written in my soul. But then there comes Leviticus, with some very clear cut rules and guidelines, and ways to atone for sins and making oneself pure and clean again. First off, many of these guidelines must have been in place to keep these people alive. Diseases were very easy to come by, and there were clear guidelines on how one must deal with things such as leprosy, childbirth, etc. To touch an open sore would mean one would be unclean. If one is unclean, they are not to be touched or to touch others, and anything they touch is deemed unclean and was to be destroyed. This must have been in place to prevent the spread of this disease, as well as to keep the dwelling place of the Lord clean and holy. But there are other rules as well. To name a few....

"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." Lev. 19:27
"Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." Lev. 19:28

2,000+ years ago, everything changed. A child was conceived in an unwed mother, who was told by an angel that this was to be the son of God. This child grew to be a man who preached on God's love, and that we were God's children. Through Jesus, God became known not for His anger at human's shortcomings, but for LOVE of His creation. Jesus taught us true holiness, best shown by how He lived His life. Jesus was a true example of how one looks when the spirit resides in them. His life was created to allow us to model our lives after Him. And His life was created so He would lose it for OUR sins and shortcomings. Through Jesus' ultimate sacrifice, we are saved. And through Jesus, we no longer have to be PERFECT to enter the kingdom of Heaven. Through Jesus, the Old Testament became a history, and the New Testament became gospel.

I wrote a blog entry one day back in November in frustration at my anger over Christianity, and my hatred of the Old Testament, how God was portrayed as an angry God that I could not understand. I was at odds with myself over my life and how it should look for God's sake, and was in misery. It was a very hard time in my life where I felt alone in this world, angry at the way it seemed holiness was only achieved by following a bunch of rules, and I felt almost abandoned by God. In this particular entry I wrote: "There are times when I am so angry at God, at how his judgement will never find me, or the rest of the world, holy. I hate how big he is, and how invisible I feel at times. I hate the whole old testament, and what man has made of it. I hate how confusing the whole thing is." For this entry, and especially for this statement, my name was used in several circles by people who were appalled that I would dare write, much less feel, such a thing. I have since come to terms with the Old Testament, seeing it for what it is: a book that records our history, where we came from, possesses beauty and wisdom, and lets us in on a time before Jesus existed, when humans had many hoops to go through to be accepted by God.

Because of Jesus, we are accepted by God because He created us. No hoops. No rituals. No silly laws to keep us clean and make us holy. We belong to God as we are. Because of Jesus, we get a personal relationship with God, a God of love and not of wrath. And even in these trying times where war and suffering and poverty seem to surround us at every corner, because of Jesus we have a hope in, a trust in, and a connection to God that many of the ordinary people in the Old Testament could not fathom. Through Jesus, we have a New Testament for our lives.

Love your Neighbor

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
Luke 10:25-28

I have been contemplating and praying a lot on what God means to me. And in that, I've been thinking a lot about the Trinity. Primarily, I've done a lot of focusing on the Spirit within, as well as the God that surrounds me. It's easy to think about Jesus, as God being man. I am human, through Jesus, God became someone we could relate to. But God has been really speaking to me, urging me to seek Him out inside of me and all around me.

In Buddhism, it is a common misnomer that they practice a religion of no God. On the contrary, they do believe in God. Much like Christianity, they practice a Trinity, what's called "Dharmakâya". They practice that God is within us, as well as the God in others, and even the God in all we see. When they pray, they honor the God within. When they see others, whether good or bad, they see the God within them. Honoring them by peace and neighborly conduct is honoring God. They practice the heavenly manifestation of Buddha, who became enlightened with God within, much like we as Christians honor the resurrected Jesus. The third is "Nirmânakâya", God as man, like in Christianity, where we believe that God became man through Jesus Christ.

Of course, Buddhism is different from Christianity, and their Trinity is no exception. But the concept I find fascinating is praising God within and God around us. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." This is the first commandment. "Love your neighbor as yourself." This is the second commandment. Where is God? He is in us. He is in our neighbor. He is all around us. "Love the Lord with all your heart"? Love your neighbor. And the other commandments? "Honor Father and Mother" Love your neighbor. "Do not steal" Love your neighbor. "Do not murder." Love your neighbor. Do you want to praise God? LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR.

God is within us. God is all around us. He is in the air we breathe. He is in the ground we walk on. He is in the birds, the flowers, the deer, the trees, even the house we live in and the bed we sleep on. God is in everything. And God is in every single person on this earth, whether they acknowledge that or not. He is even in people we don't feel we can love, or in people of other faiths. Who is our neighbor? Jesus answered this in the final part of this parable, Luke 10:30-37:

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Who are our neighbors? Everyone. Regardless of status, culture, RELIGION, walk of life, what we perceive as sin, any difference between you and them. Your neighbors are all around you. Love your neighbor. And if you love your neighbor, you are loving God.

Feeling closest to God.

Granted, I don't feel close to God when I'm with my horse. My horse is my friend when I am going to give her food. But, the gist is the same. I feel closer to God when I am outside, alone, and in nature, enjoying God's creation. I feel closer to God after everyone is asleep and I get the chance to talk candidly with God while looking up at the massive sky of stars. I feel closer to God when I am extremely happy, whether it on a wonderful Saturday afternoon with my children, or cuddling with someone I love. I feel closer with God when I am singing God's praises and recalling all my blessings, than I do being told about God in a sermon.

But I think this is ok. I think this is how it is supposed to be.

The thing that this postcard's author missed is that God is with us all week long. And sometimes "church" is not on Sunday, but out in a field with the very thing that makes us whole. In her case, her horse. My purpose for church is to learn about God, and to receive that necessary reminder to open my Bible midweek and read His word. I do not believe church is necessary to be close to God. It might not even be right for some people. That's ok. When it's not right for me, I don't go. That's ok. What is necessary is to seek God out OUTSIDE of church, and not just on our weekly church day. God is not only in church. He is in us. Always. That means He is ALWAYS with us, not just when a pastor/priest/etc, is telling us about Him, and asking us to turn to such and such scripture.

I think about God every day. The majority of my day is in conversation with God. Even when I am not talking directly with God, when I am talking to someone else or just in a time of silence, God is in on it. He is always at my side, even at times when he is more distant than anything. Even in my times of not feeling Him, I know He is still there, but just silently observing. When I don't call on Him, He is there, waiting for me to call on Him. And that makes me happy.

I feel closer to God when I am me. And I think that is what the postcard's author is really saying.

Revelling in the Spirit

Today is such a beautiful day. I have spent it in a mixture of responsibility (work, cleaning, errands) and a day for myself (reading, meditating, praying, enjoying the outside). It feels like a perfect day to get back in touch with myself. And it is a perfect day to get back in touch with God. I have been feeling so spiritual today, as if I'm on fire, as if I am actually glowing. I started out in Sebastopol. I went to my favorite coffee shop, Coffee Catz. I sat outside with this book I'm reading, The Mystic Heart, and a great cup of coffee. And all the turmoil I've been feeling over my spirituality suddenly was washed away. I heard God speaking to me with each page, every word just making sudden sense to my soul. I want to speak more about it, but I'll do that on another day. Today I am revelling in it in silence.

This afternoon, after stripping my bed for the wash, and getting some urgent work-related phone-calls out of the way, I sat out in my backyard and just enjoyed this God-given nature. The wisteria in the backyard is in full bloom, and the bees were humming in ecstasy. Black birds were gathering the straw and various materials needed for their nests. Just a few weeks ago they were busy flirting with each other, now they are settling into creating their homes with each other. A lone hawk was circling above, using the same current that was coming upon me in a light breeze. And it let out its cry, which echoed into the valley and rested in my ears. And we were all connected. And I felt God around me, in me, of me. It all made sense. Everything is God. He is above us and sees us. He is in us, we are of Him, and He feels us and we feel Him. The earth, humanity, the air, the water, it is all God. All the differences we feel with others, we are not so different. We are all made of the same material by the same God, with the same Spirit inside of us. And while some of us feel it and some of us ignore it, that Spirit is there just the same. It is how we move. It is how we think. It is how we feel. It is how we laugh, cry, love, anger, nurture, relate with ourselves and one another. It is what makes our skin tingle when we "GET IT". It is the warmth we feel when God is bursting in us. It's the sensuality we feel when we are in love with the world. It's the good and it's the bad. It's all that makes us alive.

The Spirit is in me. I'd thought it to be lost. It was there all the time. I was just pushing it away. God resides in me, and I feel Him again.

Court....

Lori, thank you for your support and friendship! Today was an awesome day! God was there. And He prevailed. I think I've lost 10 more pounds, cuz all of a sudden I feel much lighter!

His response, God's response

I don't really feel like including my ex-husband's name in here anymore, so from here on out, he will be referred to as "Ex".

Yesterday, I got a response from the temporary restraining order I have against Ex. I tell you, not having contact with him has made me wane a little bit. I know the kids miss their dad. I want what's best for him, but I do not want them to be corrupted by him, to be influenced by him while he is how he is. And while I really doubt he'll change, I at least want him to get some help so he has the chance to start making better choices in favor of his children. But I had started to feel ridiculous in this whole fight against him. And it's not really a fight against him, it's a fight for our children. But it was beginning to feel like a fight against him, and I'm positive that's how he's viewing it.

That was before the response came. I actually expected as such, but it was still a shock as I read it over. He denied ever laying a hand on me. Ever. He denied ever hurting Summer. He even picked apart my declaration to try to prove I was lying. He included letters I had written him, letters begging for him back after we had separated and he had found his next victim. He had included these letters before, and was resubmitting them to prove that he must not have abused me. It's like I said, if he can't make himself look better, he's going to make me look worse. And he wanted me to look as pathetic as possible. As I read it, I was fuming. Victim me came back, and I felt like everyone in that courtroom was going to look at me like I was a fool and look at him like he was righteous. I felt like, how dare he! Didn't he owe me? Didn't he owe his children? And to boot, he was demanding that custody stay the same, that he still get weekly visitation. I called my lawyer, who wasn't in her office. I left her a voice-mail that she probably won't get until Monday morning, and we have court that afternoon. And still fuming, I left to go get my son from preschool.

But a funny thing happened while driving. I suddenly felt this urge just to let it go. I know that God was taking extra measures to let me know that He could handle it, reminding me to put my faith in Him. All that faithlessness I had suffered weeks ago, well, it served as a reminder now to just give it to God. So I did. And this is what came to me. It doesn't matter if Ex denies he ever hurt me physically. It doesn't matter that the court might not care about the abuse, or claim that there's just not enough evidence against him for such. The letters? They don't matter. These are not all the issues at hand. The issue at hand is Ex got extremely drunk while the kids were in his custody, and threatened police with a baseball bat and a gun IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR CHILDREN when all they initially came to do was to assess the situation and talk to him, and dared the police to shoot him dead IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR CHILDREN. If it weren't for my children being there, I know the police would have shot him. (And in some ways, I wish they had taken out a knee cap or a shoulder or something, just to take away from his apparent invincibility. But that would have completely traumatized the kids.)

God reminded me that this already is in his hands. At this point, the most I can do is stress over it, and that's not likely to result in any action. So I let the Lord take the weight off me, and I even smiled. This will all be okay on Monday. I prayed to God to please open the judge's eyes to only what was best for the kids, and not the best interest of me or Ex. And I prayed that I will keep my eyes open to what's best for the kids, and if I am lacking, to give me the wisdom to see as such.

I also feel better knowing that I have a lawyer present to argue on my behalf, so I am a little less stressed than I was two weeks ago. But I have to admit that part of me is thinking over how I would argue this. But this is probably why I SHOULDN"T be arguing my case, because there is so much of my emotion involved. So while I will be actively presenting all the facts, this is just in God's hands as to how it will be presented, and how it will be received. And every time I start to stress about this whole case and the details of it, I remind myself that I already gave it to God, that He will worry about the details. And I am relieved once again.

Mysticism in Christianity

I came across this "new" term, Christian Mysticism. And I wondered what it meant. Upon first glance of just the word, I figured it was some new agey thing. Maybe it focused on the miracles that took place. Maybe it was a group of people who thought they could perform miracles themselves. At any rate, just the word alone sounded a little NON-Christian. But as I knew nothing about it, I thought I'd research it. And the more I researched, the more I knew I was already familiar with this term, because it is what I strive to be practicing....

Christian Mysticism, in simplistic terms, is the spirituality of the direct experience of God. The definition in Wikipedia defines Mysticism as "the philosophy and practice of a direct experience of God. Although it needs to be born in mind that 'experience' is a hotly debated term in the discussion on mysticism, and experience understood simply as a psychological state or event may be contested. In the Christian context it is traditionally practiced through pursuit of the three disciplines of prayer (including Christian meditation and contemplation), fasting (including other forms of abstinence and self-denial), and alms-giving, all discussed by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew Chapters 5-7). Other forms of mysticism include participation in ecstatic worship and the use of entheogens. Christians believe that God dwells in Christians through the Holy Spirit, and therefore all Christians can experience God directly."

Christian Mysticism is not about belief. Yes, scripture is believed, but it is not worshipped over God. The greatest example we have of a denomination predicated on Christian Mysticism is The Society of Friends (Quakers), a religion I very much can relate with, in the unprogrammed tradition. One statement they make is "we can never hold the Bible up as authority over the Holy Spirit who created it". Christian Mysticism is marked with love and joy. It is about the direct oneness with God, nothing in the way. Jesus was one with God. He proclaimed it to be so. Christian Mysticism is about nothing else but this transforming union. This kind of union is the ultimate for the Christian Mystic, to be so permeated with God that we are one with Him. "Whereas all Christians have Christ, call on Christ, and can (or should) know Christ, the goal for the Christian mystic is to become Christ—to become as fully permeated with God as Christ is, thus becoming like him, fully human, and by the grace of God, also fully divine. In Christian teaching this doctrine is known by various names—theosis, divinization, deification, and transforming union." (From here)


This deepened Christianity can be explained like this:

That while we honor the Scripture, we want to know God directly, not just through Scripture.
While we respect our heritage of teachings about God, we want to know God directly, not through doctrines and teachings.
While we gather in communal worship, we want to know God directly, not just through the Church.

If you follow Christ, and strive to be like Christ, you are a Christian Mystic. If you love unconditionally, you are a mystic. "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:7-12 This is Christian Mysticism. God is love. We love. God is in us and of us because of that love.

But where did this come from? Is this just some made up hokey new form of Christianity? To the contrary, it is instead the truest form. It's founder was Jesus Christ himself. "I and the Father are one" John 10:30 Jesus proclaimed it, and offers it to anyone who follows Him. Paul lived it, proclaiming "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 "Becoming God doesn't mean we become all-knowing, all-powerful, or that we remember saying "let there be light." It really means becoming Christ, or becoming divine—that God's God-ness is experienced and known not as something outside and separate, but as a part of our own being. It means knowing God as Jesus knew the Father, so like Jesus, we are with him, fully human, and fully divine." (From here) "I said, 'You are "gods"" Psalm 82:6 Jesus refers to this scripture "Is it not written in your Law, 'I have said you are gods'?" John 10:34 when he is explaining His claim to BE God. God is in Him, and He is in God.

So who are Christian Mystics? Well to name a few, Paul and John the Baptist were mystics. St. Teresa of Avila was a mystic. St. Francis of Assisi was a mystic. Pope Pius XII and Pope John Paul II were both mystics. Mother Teresa was a mystic. And of course, Jesus Christ was a mystic. And me, I am striving to be a Christian Mystic. I'm not even close, but it's my ultimate destination.

Dance like nobody's watching.....

Dance like nobody's watching;
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening
Live like it's heaven on earth.

~Mark Twain~