Praise for Love and Companionship

God has blessed me. He has blessed me with someone special in my life. Someone I can laugh with, relate with, share with. Someone who shares my values for life. Someone who knows how to listen, who knows how to hold me in the kindest and most satisfying of embraces, who knows that a good and gentle hairwash can take away the blues. God has blessed me with someone who cares for me, through and through, in a way I've never experienced. Someone who has accepted me just as I am, and would never dream of changing me or confining me. Someone who allows me, encourages me, to blossom and grow.

God has blessed me. He has blessed me with someone who has the same corny and sarcastic humor. Someone I can be serious with, read the newspaper with, share the same political frustrations with. Someone who I can talk with candidly about God and life and what it all means, even though our paths appear to be different. God has shown me that in fact, our paths are very much the same, and our destination is identical. God has blessed me with someone who knows how to take part in a healthy disagreement, who will never allow us to cross unhealthy lines, and who will work with me to resolve the issue. God has blessed me with someone who takes his career very seriously, who knows how to provide for a family. Someone who has embraced my family into his life wholeheartedly. Someone who just works harder and changes his goals to allow us to continue to be in his life.

God has blessed me. He has blessed me with someone who constantly amazes me with all he is capable of, and amazes me with all he's about. Someone who can kick a soccer ball like Pele, move with grace from years of yoga, have immense strength and a gentle touch. Someone with the most mesmorizing eyes I have ever seen. Someone who is unafraid to teach my kids values and support me in parenting my kids and his child, side by side. God has blessed me with someone who is loyal, who is head over heels for me, someone who I've grown so deeply close to. Someone who loves me with his whole being, without fear or reservation. Someone I can trust, so much that I love him the same way. Someone I am completely comfortable around. Someone who is different from me, yet so completely similar.

God has blessed me. He has blessed me with love. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life "alone". Sure, I wanted companionship. But I was accepting of the fact that I might be on my own for the rest of my life. It was in that moment, when I stopped seeking, when I realized that my own company and that of my friends and family was satisfying enough, that He placed this man in my life. Over the last two years of not being a part of a relationship, He prepared me for this man. And when He saw I was ready, we met. And life has been a wonderful whirlwind ever since.

God has blessed me. And I praise Him for it.

Sadness

The rain is coming.
Though the sun shines,
The sky is blue,
The summer is here in all its glory.
It is all unseen.
For in my heart, the rain is already here.
It beats on my heart.
It beats on my soul.
And I'm afraid to start crying
for I fear that I may never stop.
Turmoil rips at me.
And it seems so unfounded.
All should be well.
All should be serene.
But the rain is coming.
The rain is already here.
And I cannot stop it from
     torrenting.
          Drowning.
               Soaking.
                    Owning.
Life is full of unfairness.
Life is full of misunderstanding.
Life is full of disappointment.
Life is imperfect.
The rain is coming.
The rain is already here.
And I dreaded its arrival.
But I am relieved at its appearance.
I am greatful when it appears.
For when the rain is already here,
it will stop when it's
     run its course.
And when it is over...
                                        ....It's over.
And the sun comes out.
And sadness dries up with
     the sun
          that never left in the first place.

Praise for Clarity

It could have been written by me.....

The decisions and steps I've been taking have been extremely uncomfortable for me. But the clarity I am gaining is astounding. My strength is slowly building. The difficult decisions I've been making over the past few months suddenly are seeming less difficult. And I'm seeing the future result on the horizon, where before it was too far away to comprehend. It's all making sense now. And it's starting to get easier to stand firm and start only taking steps forward, rather than two steps up and one step back.

Yes Lord, I'm going to be ok.

Praise for Falling.....

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
--e.e. cummings

Lord, I praise you for the delicious feeling of falling and being in love, and for being loved in return so wonderfully. For my little piece of Heaven, I praise you.

Praise for Blogging

"Child in Faith"

Today I went through all my past blogs. I read or skimmed every single one. And it helped me in some issues I am facing right now. I received some answers for some things I've been questioning. And not only that, I saw how far I have come in my life, as well as how much I still need to learn. I was ashamed to have read some of the things I overlooked, and the things I am almost overlooking now. I am in a serious struggle right now, and if I'm not careful I could foul things up. For once in my life I am standing my ground. You know what? It is very uncomfortable. It is very unlike me. And I am so tempted to cave in and lay down, making all I have achieved....fail. Reading the past blogs put those answers in me, letting me know to keep on going, that I am not making mistakes. I will not question my actions any longer. I will not fear that what I am doing is going against Jesus' teachings. I have been going around in circles, not knowing my right from my left, not knowing if I was lost or on the right track. I question no longer. I will go forward.

Today I praise God that I live my life outloud, that the words He has given me had future purpose, that my past self helped my present self in my struggles.

Praise for the Never-ending

Last night, George and I were talking outside underneath the night sky. Because of the moon and the porch light, our view of the night sky was limited, though still impressive. And it became clear just how small we are as humans, how small our planet is, and how large our universe is. How big? Never-ending. We are but one galaxy in this universe. We do not know if there are other earths out there, what their sizes are, if there is another galaxy where life forms exist. We do not know how many galaxies there are, though it's been calculated to be roughly 125 billion, 3,000 of them viewable by telescope. Is there other life out there? Are we but one earth of many in a never-ending universe that hosts something like 125 BILLION galaxies? Are we the only one? When thought about, that is hard to wrap your mind around. This universe keeps going. There's no wall, no edge, nothing. So me, at 5'4", I'm but an atom. I find this all fascinating. And as I stared up at those tiny specks of light that were scattered across the sky, they took on new meaning and appearance.

There are many things that are never-ending. Our minds, for example. There is no end to what we can learn, and we are learning until the day we die. The size of our brain does not matter, it's capablility does. Numbers are another never-ending. The amount of stories we can tell, love we can give, the size of our souls. God is never-ending. And us? Our lives here on earth are numbered, but our spiritual existance is never-ending.

This whole thought is wonderful and fearful at the same time. I do hope that when it is my time, I will get the chance to see the universe as it is. I cannot even fathom the reality right now. As I try, I feel just so small, and dizzy from wondering what's out there. That's a lot of space to fill up....

I praise God for all He's created, how mighty He is, and that He's the one in charge. And while I'm small, I praise God that he can be small too. I'm small, I'm not insignificant. For that, I praise God.

(Saturday)Praise for Kid Kisses

On Saturday, I was at my boyfriend's house, getting ready for church. And I applied my make-up in the process, including my lip gloss. And on my way out the door, I tapped my cheek for my boyfriend to give me a cheek peck so that I wouldn't smudge my make-up. And he complied. And then I did the same for his son, who sat in his lap. And without hesitation, this precious 4 year old, the same one who isn't big on cuddles and other signs of affection unless on his own terms, reached his lips up and gave me a soft kiss right on my cheek. I swear, I think my cheek was warm for the rest of the day.

Praise for Memories

My dad and me doing our favorite past-time
My dad's 60th birthday is coming up, and it's been my job for quite some time to make up the invitation. And since today was the deadline, naturally I started it today. So, I'm going through all the photo albums, and through my dad's desk where he holds some old unseen photos. And I got lost in these photos. I must have spent three hours putting the flyer together, and half of that was just going through the photo albums.


My dad leading me on our old horse, "Pumkin".
I had a great childhood. Contrary to what I believed as a teenager, I had it great. My parents took us to Disneyland, up to the snow, to the beach. We lived at a house that had a huge backyard, and I cannot remember a time when we did not have a horse or two dogs. Looking back at these photos reminded me of how close (well, sometimes) my sisters and I were. It reminded me of the old days when life was simple. It made me happy.


At Knott's Berry Farm: Me, my sister Melissa, my sister Heather, and of course, my dad.
So tonight I praise God for memories, happy memories. I praise God for this opportunity I had today to recall my childhood, to see my parents as younger and less sure of themselves, and to be able to be a virtual witness to a time when things were simpler.

Praise for Questions

Today (yesteday) I praise God that I do not have to hold my beliefs in a neat little box. I praise God that when we call ourselves Christian, that it can mean so many different things, and that's ok. I worried for awhile, because my faith looked very different from my friends of the same church. I worried that I really wasn't Christian, and that's all I've ever known myself to be. At times I still wonder if I can truly call myself a follower of Christ. My faith is so messy, so all over the place. But God allows us that room to interpret Him and His word so many different ways. We have had our faith passed down through so many men and in so many different ways, that our beliefs could not possibly be perfect. God will not hold that against us. He asks us to honor Him, to serve Him. We can try our best to get closest to the TRUTH, but it is not until we stand in His presence in the next life that we will know the ins and outs of what IS, what WAS, and what IT ALL MEANS. And for that, for nothing in this life being forced to be concrete, for being able to have doubts, questions, wonderment, and not have it held against us, I praise God.

Praise for Freedom and Strength

Freedom. What is it? It is the ability to choose according to self. It is the ability to move without force. It is the ability to think and speak truthfully without fear. It is the ability to be. Just be. And not be inhibited by another.

There was a time when freedom was a foreign word. I was a woman in chains. And today I praise God twice over, for my freedom, and for my newfound strength.

Years of abuse, and I finally made the move to pack up my children and leave. It was not that simple. Though my actions could have made me a free woman, my heart and mind did not. Remnants of the past haunted me, kept me tied. Some days I would praise God for saving me from a life that would surely kill me. Some days I would curse God for taking away all I felt I knew anymore. I was lost. I was a shell. I was dead.

Over the last two years, I have been regaining my freedom. I have realized that I am not an owned woman. I am myself. And I am in charge of myself. The guilt I would feel for feeling certain things, or doing certain things started to subside when I was able to convince my mind of the truth. He did not own me. Anger took its place when I realized he really never did. At least, he did not have that right, and I had believed he did.

Fast forward to today. I am a new person. I am me. And I like me. But I still hold some ghosts of the past. And now I am taking the necessary measures to be free of the past forever. And it's not comfortable, though the thoughts of the resulted future, free from a tyrant, keep me going full force. And I am realizing that it is time to stop worrying about others before myself and my family, when myself and my family should be my BIGGEST concern.

In the Bible, the story of Noah's Ark is told. And we all remember the story we were told as children. Animals were brought to the boat in pairs. The boat was sealed shut with the animals, Noah, his family and their families. Together they floated on a never-ending ocean of flood for 40 days and 40 nights. When it had stopped raining for a while, they sent out a dove who finally found land. Then God sent a rainbow to the earth as a promise of never flooding the earth again.

Beautiful story.

As a child, I remember thinking how horrible and boring it must have been to be cooped up that long. I wondered how the animals behaved themselves, even how they went the bathroom. How did Noah's family eat, and how did Noah keep the animals from eating each other? My thoughts were with Noah, the Ark, and all its inhabitants, through their journey to their freedom when new land was discovered when the dove did not return.

But what of the rest of the world?

The story is told a little differently when you think of it in the outsiders' position. What of these people, the same who had mocked him? They drowned to death. How did Noah feel when he heard the cries outside, the pleading to let them in? How did he feel as he heard them suffer and die? Did it haunt him? How could he let them all suffer that way while he and his family were safe from harm? Why did he not open the Ark and let in as many people as he could?

He couldn't. This was God's command. Imagine if he had opened the Ark, disobeying God. The boat would be swarmed. Crime would fill the boat, possibly through murder, rape, slaughter of animals. The very thing that God was washing away would still remain after the flood. And God's will would be undone. No, when we hear the story of Noah's Ark, we concern ourselves with the will of God, and what the result was. And it is understood why the outsiders were left behind, for we get to see the end result.



This has become my realization in my own life. I must forget the outsiders' plight. I must save myself so I can save my family for the better good, keeping my children safe from the very harm I escaped two years ago. I must make sure that my life will not be repeated through them, and that the very lifestyle I am protecting them from is not deemed normal. These are my only concerns through my freedom that I am becoming more and more acquainted with every day. If I try to save the outsiders, I will end up drowning as they pull me under. So I am moving ever forward, toward a future I long for with no hint of the past, and I will not look back any longer. My words are not meek. My actions are with purpose, my heart in the right place, my mind more sound than ever. In this, I praise God for my newfound strength, what He gave me when I realized the fullness of my freedom.

Praise for Home

            "People say she's crazy
            She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
            Well that's one way to lose these
            Walking blues
            She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes...."

This morning I was driving home after I dropped Lucas off at preschool. I was listening to Paul Simon's "Graceland", having grabbed the CD on a whim before I had left to drop him off. And this song was playing, my favorite on the album. And as I sat at the corner of Farmer's Lane and where HWY 12 dumps the freeway traffic, I noticed a woman walking down the side of the freeway. She was dressed in a cotton dress, her hair pulled up in a twist at the nape of her neck, her earrings medium sized balls dangling low, a purse slung over her shoulder. She was older, maybe late 60's, early 70's. And I thought it odd that she was walking down the freeway. I wondered if she had run out of gas or something. She was shielding her eyes from the sun with a piece of paper. And when she reached the bottom of the freeway exit, she turned around and rested against a lamppost, holding the sign in front of her, along with money that she counted and recounted. And I realized with surprise that this woman was begging. She looked clean, like she cared about her appearance, and I realized the stereotype I hold in me about certain people. Because she looked so normal, it seemed odd that she was there at this major intersection, counting her money and begging for more.

The sight of this woman made me think about my comforts once again, one that I thank the Lord for time and time again. I was driving on my way HOME. Home. What a wonderful word that is! When I hear the word HOME, I think of someplace warm, where love is abundant. Home can be many places, it doesn't mean just a house. And I have several places I can call HOME. And for that I am eternally greatful.

Today I praise God for my home, for the love and comfort I have in my life. The Lord has blessed me so immensely that I cannot praise Him enough for this. I pray for that woman, that maybe she does have a place that she can call HOME, and for anyone else stuck on a corner with an outstretched hand, and even those that appear to have diamonds on the soles of their shoes.

More Praise for Camp

"This is a strange and wonderful place." It's what's written on our camp's cupboard in one of the buildings, and the words rang through my head all week long. They seemed to sum it up perfectly. There's something about camp. You get there, and the dust overwhelms you. You get eaten alive by mosquitos that will only leave you alone after you smell like a saturated pine cone, and biting flies that will eat you no matter what. If you have allergies (and I do), your face will feel like it will fall off by the third day. You hike down a hill to get somewhere. You hike back up the hill to get back. You have to wait in line for a shower, and you're not gauranteed hot water. The dining hall smells not so faintly of sour milk. The salad is served lunch and dinner, and looks slightly brown by the 7th day. And I think I'll be fine if I don't eat red jello until next year. We go to bed late and wake up way too early, and are completely sleep deprived by the end of camp. The pool is ice cold and crowded, and my feet are torn up from the rough bottom, not to mention the blisters from all that hiking.... And still, I come back every year.

There's something about camp. Geeks are suddenly the cool kids. The cool kids are suddenly not so critical, and are jumping and singing with everyone else. Everyone is equal, and fully themselves. Everyone is comfortable in their skin. Friendships are made that seem closer than any other friendship ever felt. Everything is funny, happy, surreal.... It is not uncommon to hear someone singing songs about bazooka bubble gum or swimming holes, or even odes to their dirty black socks. The stars are brighter at camp, and sleeping on planks under them is magical. Crafts such as making pillows or wind chimes never sounded more appealing. Campfire every night was hilarious, from "Safety Court", a mock court improv that targeted those who broke the safety rules, to another chaperone's and my "clean camp" competition. This year the campfire burned bigger and brighter than ever, partly thanks to the expertise of one of our staff, but I think because the spirit was alive and jumping to the music with us.

As the teens' Adult Advisor, I got to get to know them pretty well, and some extremely close. I was confided in, trusted even though I was an "adult". There were nights that I got so little sleep just because the camp spirit was there, creating lasting friendship bonds that I will treasure always. I had the best week this year at camp, even though I had worked harder than any year there. On one of the nights, I got to get to know two of my staffers better than ever. And while I was still the adult and they were still teenagers, a bridge was formed that forgot that temporarily. The conversation will stay with me forever, "between us and the trees", and it meant so much to realize that not only could bonds form between the teens, but with us chaperones as well. I have watched this staff for the past three years, watched them grow from kids to responsible teens. They ran the camp, working hard to make up for the shorthanded staff. And it was the best camp we ever had. And it is bittersweet to end the camp week, for I know that next year I will not see several of them, including some that promise they'll come back. Plans change, their lives a neverending swirl as they prepare for college, get wrapped up in there love lives, move away, change their minds..... And I'll miss them terribly.

I cannot put words to camp and do it justice. All I know is, this morning before I left, I sat down in "Woody's Circle", an area where we held our opening and closing ceremonies, and just took in all I was about to leave behind until next year. The benches surrounding it were empty, but for a moment I saw laughing campers filling each seat. I saw our teen staff in front, the ones who worked all week long to make sure a bunch of kids were happy and taken care of. Camp songs echoed in my ears, as if the camp spirit surrounded me and enveloped me like a ghost. I saw the beautiful trees, heard the gurgling creek, breathed in the forest air. I believe that there are certain places that are our heavens on earth, and this is one of mine....

Praise for camp, and more

I will be gone at camp from Saturday to Saturday, July 1st through July 8th. This year I am the adult advisor, as the teen staff chose me to be their leader this year. I am so honored about this, since I have been going to this camp since I was a young teenager myself. Now I'm on the grown up side, and it's still loads of fun.

Needless to say, I will not be blogging this next week. I will try to catch up on praises when I get back, but I might not. Hey, just being truthful!

But today I have several praises to help out.

First off, I praise God for camp, as I'm really excited. It's going to be loads of fun for a whole week. No work, no traffic, nothing but good fun in the sun while pretending to be in charge of the kids. :-) It's basically a week long vacation for us adults!

Second, I praise God for electricity. We had ours turned off (a scheduled power outage due to work on the lines) from 9 am to 3 pm. At first, I was thrilled, since this meant that today I didn't work. I had crammed yesterday, making sure my report was out on time so I could take today off. And I looked forward to all the plans I made today for goofing off. Unfortunately, we are on well water, and our pump went out too. No flushing toilets, no water to brush our teeth, I couldn't even shower.

Third, I praise God for running water. See above.

Fourth, I praise God for my paycheck, as I got new clothes today. Yeah, I know, a little bit of a materialistic praise. But my wardrobe has been lacking, and I really needed more shorts and stuff. Let's just say, I'm going to have a really CUTE camp week!

Fifth, and final, I praise God for all the help I am receiving this week with Lucas, my son. I'm always nervous around this time because I have to leave Lucas behind. It's nervewracking knowing that I'm not the one making sure that Lucas' schedule is being handled. But thanks to my dad, my sister, and my boyfriend, Lucas will be very well taken care of, and will have loads of fun this week. I am so very greatful for all of them! But I will miss him tons.

Ok, I'm good up to Tuesday on my praises. Write y'all when I get back!

Praise for Smiles

Praise God for today, for everything that is making me smile! These days I have so much to be greatful for, so much to give praise for. I woke up this morning with a smile. As I drove my son to preschool, I thought about what I wanted to praise God for in my blog, and smiles came to mind. I'm in such a good mood today, that I want to share all that is making me smile, just today alone.






    SMILE!

• For the memory of a lingering kiss. Being in love, and being loved, makes me smile.
  
• For the Dave Matthews CD "Crash", especially the 5th and 6th song. The way those two songs merge into one, that makes me smile.
  
• Waking up early before anyone else. The morning makes me smile.
  
• Enjoying a perfect cup of coffee with soy milk. Mmmmm!
  
• Finally being one and at peace in my beliefs and faith in God. Having no conflict inside of me, and feeling this close to God gives me reason to smile.
  
• 40 Days of Praise makes me smile!
  
• My friend Kristie, who is on a mission trip to Cambodia. Her courage and selflessness make me smile. See her pictures HERE. To read about it, CLICK HERE.
  
• Knowing that camp is two days away makes me smile.
  
• Big morning hugs from my kids. :-)
  
• My new layout here on my blog. I really like the way it looks, with all the blues and ocean, it makes me smile.
  
• Slumber parties make me smile.
  
• All my future life plans that are in the works make me smile.
  
• When my mom talks to the chirping bird outside stealing our cat's cat food, telling it to cut it out as if it understands, that makes me smile.
  
• My daughter mimicking me by drinking tea every day makes me smile.
  
• Another work week filled with lots of orders (i.e. more hours=bigger paycheck) makes me smile.
  
• My friends, and being able to hang out with them, make me smile.
  
• Another promise of a beautiful day makes me smile.
  

Thank you God for all this happiness you've placed in my life! Thank you for all the reasons I have to smile. I praise you for such a beautiful, universal way to show happiness.

Praise for COFFEE!!!

I know Danielle has already done it, but praise God for COFFEE!!!

When I was about 14 or so, my dad and my aunt started their own coffee shop up in the mountains, in Calavaras County. When I'd come up to visit, I was put behind the counter. I learned really quick how to froth milk perfectly, make a great mocha, and earned a love for vanilla lattes. I was also a terrible barista, as more than once I snuck a thumb in the coffee to make sure it got warm enough. The biggest thing I came away with was a newfound love for coffee.

There is nothing better (according to me) than getting a strong Americano in my favorite local coffee shop, and sitting in solitude while listening to some good music. When I was newly divorced, I didn't really know what to do with myself. But I knew that I needed to get myself out of the house when I could, or else I'd regret it. So I'd go to the coffee shop. And I'd bring a book or a newspaper. But I'd use that as my cover up of watching people, or just enjoying being alone. Going to the coffee shop became, and still is, my idea of a perfect afternoon or evening.

I am now a coffee snob! My grounds come from beans, and I grind them every morning. My favorite kind of coffee to make at home is Sumatra, and I love using a french press to make the perfect cup. Oh, here's a good recipe for french press coffee:
Grind up the beans with a pinch of chile powder, coarse black pepper, and cinnamon. Put it in the french press and let steep with hot water for 5 minutes. Enjoy! I tell you, delicious!

So yes, I praise God for coffee, for morning coffee, afternoon coffee, coffee made just right from the perfect bean. And if you ever want to bring me a cup, I take a bold cup with half and half or soy milk. Thank you!

Praise for All I Take For Granted

There are so many people in this world that are without. Things that I take for granted, such as the toothpaste I brush my teeth with, the hot water I bathe in, the clothes (even the unstylish ones) I wear everyday, the clean water I drink, being able to leave my house without fearing for my life, the fact that I have all my limbs, that my kids get to go to school safely, that my kids are healthy and well fed....there are people out there who do not get such luxuries, and cannot fathom the thought of taking such things for granted.

I praise God that my privileged life is now normal to me that I DO take it for granted at times. There was a time when I wasn't so privileged, that to see me now would see me as rich (and I'm not, by any means). There was a time when the choice for dinner was a peanut butter sandwich or top raman with corn. That's it. To turn on the light meant to make sure the microwave and the toaster were not plugged in. New clothes? Try Salvation Army...and THAT was a luxury if I could afford even that, especially if I scored on something that fit nicely. For the luxury of a morning newspaper, I'd turn over the couch cushions for change. No nice shampoos, sometimes we ran out of toilet paper, we used the same toothbrush for 6 months, I couldn't wash clothes as much as I needed to, utilities were being turned off and notice was given publicly as it was taped to our front door, our car was towed away for failure to pay, we skipped birthday parties because we couldn't afford a present for the child, we had to tell our kids over and over again that we didn't have the money, Christmas was basically donated to us one year or we would have had nothing.... We did not invite anyone over to our house, for it was an embarrassment. We lived in a poor mentality of never thinking that things could be better...and never thinking we could MAKE it better. It was all humiliating. It all became normal.

I praise God that I do not live in poverty any longer, and never will again. I praise God that I do not need to submit income statements to the county, use food stamps at the store, count pennies to make a quarter, hide in a home darkened by shuttered curtains and no electricity. I praise God that THIS life, a life of happiness and comfort, is now normal. I praise God that my former life was brief, and mostly forgotten. And I praise God that some of it will never be forgotten, lest I take this life completely for granted.

Praise God for Agape Love

There are four different types of love. Philios Love is the first of the four loves. It is a human love that is very selfish in nature. Stemming from man's innate desire to be accepted and loved, it is selfish in nature and expects reward in loving the beloved. Storge Love, the second of the four, is more of a maternal type of love. It too, is a human type of love. Though less selfish than Philios, it expects reward for loving the beloved as well. It is a more solid type of love, being instinctual in nature, but nonetheless, it must be "rewarded" to keep on loving. And, finally, there is Eros Love, another human type of love. It was named after Eros, or Cupid, from Greek Mythology. This is more of a physical type of love, yet it can also be nonphysical in nature. It too, is very self serving, and expects reward for loving. It is the love that is most often abused and misused, and confused for "love" when in fact, it is not "love" at all, but lust. Eros, as well as Philios and Storge, can be very beautiful loves. A close friendship, a bonding between parent and child, or lover and beloved, and a sexual union of man and woman as One Body.

All three of the above named loves are human in nature, meaning that they do not "need" God to exist. They do exist on their own, either seperately or in conjunction with one or both of the others. But, being "human" types of love, they tend to wither and die, as all things human must die. Unless they find a way to be cohesive to each other, by a bond beyond human strength and understanding, it is their destiny to dissolve, dissipate, and die. Fortunately..there is a Supernatural Element that can and does bond the three loves together in an Eternal way. That Supernatural Glue is Agape Love, or...God's Love.

Corinthians 13
Love

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."



The Apostle Paul gave to the world the most beautiful explanation on what love truly comprises. His words cannot be surpassed by any song, any love letter, any book, any poem, or any movie. His words are Eternal words, for they speak of God, and God's Love...Agape.

Agape is God's Love. Unlike a human love, Agape cannot die...for God cannot die. God is Eternal, and therefore, His Love is Eternal as well. Agape is also PERECT, it is UNCONDITIONAL, it is COMPLETELY FORGIVING. No human being that I am aware of, aside from Jesus Christ, had or has, or ever will have, the ability to love in this manner. How, then, can we experience Agape? How can we possibly join our human loves to God's Love? We can't. But God can...and will...if we will let Him. God is the CREATOR of LOVE. He knows how the story ends, because He wrote the Book on Love. And, if we trust Him, learn from Him, follow His teachings and His ways, then we too can share in His Agape Love...just as we too can share in His Eternal Life being finite men that one day must die.

We as humans can never completely know Agape in this life time, for we cannot completely know God in this lifetime. It is impossible. But, God knows us..each one of us...personally. And, He loves us...all of us..unconditionally, perfectly, totally, and undyingly. The major difference between Agape Love and all the others is this: Agape loves for loves sake. It expects no rewards, it wants nothing in return...except that love be given back to it. And the neat thing is that the more you give back to Agape, the MORE you receive in return. It is an unending well of strength and supply from which to draw, and if a couple can tap into this Well, their love will be an Eternal Love.

God, I praise you for love. And when I praise for love, I know I am praising You. For You are love. Nothing in this world feels better than love, and in essence, nothing feels better than YOU. I know that when I am loving someone else, I am not only loving You, I am giving You to another, and they are giving You to me. Thank you for your unconditional love for me, that you love me even in my imperfections. Today I praise you for the biggest part of our existance: LOVE.

Two days of Praises - Praise for Blogs

So, I've been away from my computer this weekend, and I missed my daily praise. So today I will give two lighthearted blog praises, but praises just the same.



Yes, it seems silly. But praise God for Post Secret. I smile at some, feel sad for others, and relate with a couple that I hold as secrets, too. Every Sunday they post new secrets, and every Sunday I faithfully check them out.

Another blog I am praising God for is A New Life Emerging. This guy is so completely inspiring, and just amazes me with his faith and knowledge. I strive for a spirit like his. I encourage anyone reading this to check him out regularly.


Anyway, in general, I praise God for the blogging world. I started this a year and a half ago as a totally different person. It's interesting reading through past blogs and seeing how much I've grown and changed. I've questioned many things through this blog. And I've even some to some answers in this blog. Someday I will feel the need to stop blogging. But for now, I'm still here and growing with it.

Praise for Girlriends

There's this one "Sex and the City" episode where Carrie is in Paris, after moving there with her boyfriend. And she happens upon this cafe where 4 french women are having lunch together, much like she used to do with her girlfriends back in New York. And she realizes how much she misses them in this strange country where she only knows the man she moved with.

Today I praise God for girlfriends in general. These past two years of being divorced, I have discovered the importance of my relationships with friends. During my marriage, I did not have any close friendships. I had one girlfriend, Wendy, who kept in contact with my unfailingly. And I did not know how to be close to her and confide in her. Since my failed marriage, friends have been popping up out of the woodwork, old and new. And without them, I do not see how I could have survived this. Wendy has still been there for me, and the relationship has definitely strengthened. Lori has been there for me through my custody battle, and as a true confidante through my struggles with all this. New friends through an old homegroup, Gina, Donnell, and more, have been girlfriends that have helped me grow. I've been having much more fun, have girls I can call on a whim to bitch to, laugh with, support and be supported, and just have that female companionship that every woman needs in their lives. Love relationships are wonderful, but those you share with those of your same sex are vital to live and relate with. Having girlfriends has given me a life filled with fun and sisterhood. Praise God for girlfriends!!!

Praise for THIS GIRL

(Yes Gina, I raped your MySpace for some pictures.....)

I praise God for friends, but I praise God today for Gina.

I remember the first time I saw Gina. She was one of the singers on the church worship team. And I thought she was just beautiful. Gina had a more alternative look to her, not a look you normally see on the stage at church, but not classless either. I admired her, her originality. But I never actually got to meet her until we started going to the same church "homegroup". Of all things, it was the marriage class. She was there for tools in a future marriage. I was there for tools in a hopeless marriage. But still, we didn't get to know one another. It wasn't until I started going to a different homegroup after the breakup of my marriage, one aimed at people my own age, that I actually got to MEET Gina.

Gina and I clicked right away as soon as we got to know each other. I'd like to say we shared the same passion for God, but I found hers to be much more pure. Gina would hold these worship nights at her house once a month, inviting people over to her house. Here's one worship night that she held a year ago as an example. I found these nights to be so God-filled and inspiring. I'd ask Gina how she came up with these ideas, and she'd give all glory to God, professing that she would wait for God's word. Sometimes his word didn't come until last minute, and still she'd throw together these awesome worship nights. She did this for a whole year, as God instructed her to, and then stopped. For good? I don't know. I do know I miss those nights. I also know that when I am around Gina, her passion for God still inspires me.

Gina has a rock solid faith. This is what I see. She loves God with all her being. She holds the same frustrations as I tend to hold, but the difference between her and me is she does something more than complain about it. While I can blog about such and such disgruntlement I am feeling, she goes out and forms a new group, actively worships, emanates GOD. Sometimes when I am around her, I hope that her spirit will rub off on me.

Gina is unbelievable creative. In worship, she has this amazingly sweet voice that carries us all. She also plays the picalo during some songs. She takes great photos. She is a talented artist. Her worship nights were even more inspiring thanks to her God-given gifts of creativity and artisticness (that might be a Crissi-ism...). I don't want to say I am envious....

Gina has this laugh that is infectious. Her sense of humor is pretty corny, she totally matches my own. And when she laughs, she laughs with her whole being.

This year, Gina went through the heartbreak of losing someone she loved through a hard break-up. I know what that's like. When I went through the same thing two years ago, I must have laid on the couch without eating for months. I made mistake after mistake in desperation. I was in poor shape. It took over a year for me to get on the healing side of the break-up. Gina, though this is an extremely hard trial for her, does not wear her pain on her sleeve. She doesn't deny it. But she is still alive. She still made it a point to live her life as she did before: worshipping, creating, being a friend. Through this, I saw an amazing strength in her, more so than before. She still laughed, consoled, had faith. She doesn't see her strength. I think she's one of the strongest people I know.

Gina is hellbent on sharing Jesus by SHOWING Jesus. She agrees with me that this speaks louder than words. Gina SHOWS Jesus by her unfailing love and compassion.

When I began seeing someone who practiced Buddhism, I was afraid to tell anyone in my church for fear of the backlash I would get for dating outside my faith. But I knew I could talk to Gina about him. When I knew that I loved him, she was overjoyed for me. Even with all she's going through. Even though he is not Christian. She saw what was important for me, that someone loved me and truly cared for me the way I'd always wanted to be loved and cared for, and that I was truly happy.

Gina has been there for me through all my crap. I consider her one of my best friends, the one who gets to see all of me unashamedly, for she holds no judgment. Gina, I love you, and I praise God for you, and for allowing me the honor of being your friend!

Her love
for God
inspires me.
I cannot
fathom
how
this much
FAITH
can live
in one person.
Beautiful.
Inspiring.
Giving.
Selfless.
She
captures
anyone within
soul's reach.
I am in awe.