Uncircumcised love

I have to wonder how Christian we are when as Christians we tend to be so seperatist? More times than I'd like to hear, I've heard my Christian friends say they don't even know people who aren't Christian. Or people who aren't Christian are known as THOSE people, as if they are some sort of evil group to steer clear from or feel sorry for. I finally finished Blue Like Jazz, and I found myself nodding enthusiastically throughout the whole thing, especially towards the end. He mentions how he found how refreshing his secular friends were because of how real he could be around them. He befriended this group of hippies, and together they talked about all sorts of things. And all the while, there was no judgment, no preconceived notion about how they were SUPPOSED to be. They just were. They were absolutely themselves. Then he talked about his Christian friends. And though he loved them too, he found himself censoring himself constantly. He heard constant judgment. The evil poor were considered charity cases to be saved. The evil rich were considered hell bound. Topics such as sexual orientation, political stances, alcohol users and such "unchristian" characteristics were big topics, and you were expected to be on the same side. If you weren't, you were placated, then talked about behind your back. And I've seen this happen. I've seen the seperatism, the idea that Christians are the best people on earth. But what if we're the worst? What kind of message are we sending if we aren't loving ALL God's people? And not loving them as charity, and not loving them with the ulterior motive of changing them, but loving them just because? "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6 Being a Christian is not being seperate from the world. Through our love, Christ will work. He is stronger than us, He is bigger than us. Love by example, love by action. Don't just use your words, but love with all your heart. By your unbiased and uncircumcised love, that's how Jesus will shine through.

Jesus, where's the proof?

It was bound to happen. After years of fights over what's PC, people fighting to take the word God out of the pledge of allegiance, complaints over crosses used to mark our soldiers' graves, fights over what exactly TO say over the holiday season, it has come down to this.

The Roman Catholic Church is being sued over lying to the people, by spreading fables over some man they call Jesus, and claiming He exists. See story....

How do we know Jesus exists? Can you prove it? Can you provide the concrete evidence in your hands to an avid atheist that Jesus actually IS Savior, that He could save the world? I don't know about your answer. I know I can't. And I don't think I'd want to. Not in that way, at least. I am not about to cheapen Jesus by becoming a Jesus Salesman and telling people, "Try Jesus, it works!" It doesn't work that way.

God bless mass evangelists who step out of their comfort zone and preach to the non-believers. That's got to be the hardest and most trying job of the active Christian community.

How do you explain your faith in Jesus? Why do you believe? Can you explain it? I'm reading this book right now and it put it perfectly....

"My belief in Jesus did not seem rational or scientific, and yet there was nothing I could do to seperate myself from this belief. I think Laura was looking for something rational, because she believed that all things that were true were rational. But that isn't the case. Love, for example, is a true emotion, but it is not rational. What I mean is, people actually feel it. I have been in love, many people have been in love, yet love cannot be proved scientifically. Neither can beauty. Light cannot be proved scientifically, and yet we all believe in light, and by light see all things. There are plenty of things that are true that don't make any sense. I think one of the problems Laura was having was that she wanted God to make sense. He doesn't. He will make no more sense to me than I make sense to an ant."
Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller, page 54.

The thing that I understood the most was on love. I love many things. Most of all on this earth, I love my children. Can I prove it? I could say I'd do a million things. I'd do anything for my children's well being. I'd sacrifice for my children. I discipline my children to help them grow up right. I'd die for my children. I tell them I love them everyday. I think about them all the time. But can I hold proof in my hand that I love my children? If somebody said, "Prove this love that you speak of", could I do it? Not scientifically. My love is in my heart and soul. I know I love my kids when I want to protect them from harm at all costs. I know I love my kids when it wells up so big in me that tears spring to my eyes. I know I love my kids when the greatest comfort to me is reading to them on the couch, a kid snuggled under each arm. I FEEL my love for my kids. That's how I KNOW I love my kids.

I FEEL Jesus in me. That's how I KNOW Jesus is there, that He lived for around 33 years performing miracles and sharing God through love and compassion, that He died on the cross for you and for me so that one day we could join Him. That's how I know that when I cry out to Jesus, He actually hears me and holds me. I FEEL HIM. And no matter how much I've tried to push Jesus aside, to ignore Him in my times of selfishness and sin, He is there for me, and He loves me. I cannot give you concrete evidence that Jesus exists. I cannot even describe exactly how I feel Him. If I tried to put words around it, you may think I'm trying to sell you a product. But to me, Jesus is even more concrete than my love is for my kids.

If you have doubts, but you just want to know that there is someone out there who loves you, no matter who you are, start by reading this, and go on from there.

Jesus loves you. Jesus does not condemn you. You who are not perfect, you who are hurting but feel unworthy, you who hate the church for how the church has been portrayed, Jesus loves you. You who have pains that you hold inside, you who have been betrayed and forgotten, you who are struggling to make ends meet and don't see how it's going to happen, Jesus loves you. You who have lost hope, you who have needs being unmet, you who are alone, Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you. That's all you need to know. That is the proof.

Here I am, naked before you

There comes a time when every person must question what it is they are seeking comfort from. Am I using those things around me to offer me the happiness I so crave, to the point of being let down every time when they inevitably fail? Am I falling back on past mistakes to make up for the longing I feel inside me? Am I coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I consistenly fail, even though I know there's no excuse at all? Yes. But who is there for me faithfully, every time I need to be held? Who gives His love unconditionally, and loves me as I am? Who gave me my tears and allows me to use them when necessary? Who knows me better than I know myself? Who is willing to be so intimate with me that He is in me and I am in Him? And who do I constantly push away when my life is less than desireable, and I am ashamed, and I fear of letting go of all the worldly things that keep me comfortable for the moment, and just finding comfort in Him? Who is offering me the kind of love I crave, if only I'd receive it?

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39

It's time for some changes to be made.... Am I afraid I will still fail? Yes.

Whatever is pure....

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

A dear friend had this word for me today. He said that the kids and I have been on his heart, and he received a message from God he felt compelled to share with me.

It's always amazing when God puts something or someone on a person's heart. Several people have come up to me to tell me that I've been on their heart. And each time I've claimed that I'm fine, but thank you for thinking of me. This time, my friends words hit home and he was very specific. And even though there are times when we wonder about God's messages, about whether they came from Him or us, this was definitely a message from God.

The basis of his call was to let me know that he'd seen the anger in my son, and especially in the past few months. I almost wish I'd recorded the conversation, because he had so much stuff to say that touched my heart. You see, the kids are about to have a new baby brother next month. A lot of changes have been taking place, and are about to change even more. And in the past couple of months, both the kids have been reacting to these changes. Summer gets angry with me when I go out without her when she's at my house, even when it's after her bedtime. And her attitude has tripled. And Lucas has become extra sensitive by crying at the drop of a hat, he's stopped minding so well, he appears out of control at times, and he's developed two nervous habits: repeatedly clearing his throat or coughing this small cough, and sucking in his lips so that he has a constant red rash around his mouth. And he has a scary temper that has become more and more evident as he gets older, where he tenses up and he become rigid. Sometimes he'll smash something on the ground and break it, usually one of his toys. Other times he'll lash out at the person he's angry at. He's never dangerous, but his way of handling his anger is definitely causing alarm in me. And I, having to deal with the kids and their sudden behavioral changes, plus the kids having to skip several weekends with their dad due to his job changes and because of the recent floods, am on mom-burnout. There are times now when I'm just too "busy" to enjoy hands on play time with the kids because I'm just worn out, when we used to do all sorts of things together. Of course, this is only adding to the misbehaviors and attitude problems of my kids.

I was advised to reread the "Chronicles of Narnia" with the kids, especially Lucas, and focus on the character of Edmund. In the story, Edmund is upset about his father being away at war, and then being "abandoned" by his mother. My job is to ask Lucas pointed questions about Edmund: how does it make Edmund feel to not have his father around all the time? Why do you think Edmund is misbehaving? Etc... Lucas can't really put into words what's going on inside him, but maybe by explaining what he thinks Edmund is going through, he can also help me understand what HE'S going through, as well as help him understand his own feelings.

But at the end of the conversation, my friend gave me the scripture, and a lot of things came clear. This wasn't just about my kids, this was about me. And the Lord was speaking through my friend directly to me. "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." And for my own personal reasons away from the whole kid situation, this scripture spoke directly to my heart. My friend told me to help Lucas apply this to his life, but I also see the need to apply it to my own. Focus on the good, the wonderful, the excellent and praiseworthy. Let go of the negative, the things that drive me crazy and halt me in my steps. Focus on the good, the noble, the pure. Let go of those things that only offer temporary comfort and a lifetime of anguish and confusion.

I came away with a lot of ways to help my kids and be more understanding through their confusing childhood. And after this weekend, and when the kids are back from their dad's, it's time to step things up a notch and once again be the mother I want to be. But I will also have a new outlook on life, to achieve a life of focus rather than looking behind me at the things I detest.

And located right before the verse my friend gave me, I found this and it summed it up...

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

My day in pictures

Today I had to go to Cazadero to appraise a house. Unfortunately, the house was nowhere to be found. The good news is that I didn't have an appointment, and my job only consists of viewing the house and taking notes on what I see, as well as taking a picture of the house. So I didn't waste anyone's time but mine. Unfortunately, my time was wasted, as was $20 in gas, and money is tight right now. I'll be back out there today. But today turned out to be such a beautiful day. One of the comparable houses I had to look at was on this mountain, and once I reached the top, I was in awe. Here is my day in pictures....





A good blogger knows, it's all about the story. These cows did not seem to thrilled to have me on their mountain. I got out of my safe van onto the extremely windy mountain to get a closer shot of these cows that owned the mountain. Every time I looked away, they started getting closer to me. But as soon as I turned in their direction, they stopped. Kind of eery.... I didn't stay long out there, just in case these were "mad cows"...


This is God's country. Those are the words that kept running through my mind as I saw the incredible views. The road was real narrow, and one look down showed just how far up I was. I felt like I was higher than the birds....




More of God's country....





"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God...."
"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me."
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:1, 7, 11


Guerneville and all the surrounding areas were hit hard by the storms this year, and flooded worse than it has in years. Many people lost many belongings, and some lost their homes. When I visit this area, there is mud everywhere, and the area has a damp, sad feel to it. But when I came off the mountain, the river seemed so calm and peaceful, as if it hadn't caused so much destruction. It was beautiful.


And then, once in Santa Rosa again and picking up my son at his preschool we came upon this magnificent rainbow. The whole day had been a mixture of hard rain and beautiful blue skies, and this was the perfect end....




"I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth." Genesis 9:13

STOP

This week my parents are gone in Vegas due to a seminar my dad has to attend, so my work is pretty limited. This gives me the chance to kind of fool around during the work week, somewhat, or at least make my own hours completely. So today I decided to take a walk at Spring Lake, one of my favorite places in Sonoma County. I was anxious to see what the rains had done to my lovely lake, and to see if it was even walkable.

Just last night I was praying to God about my diet. I prayed for willpower to lose weight, as I kind of fell off the wagon this weekend, so to speak, after doing so well throughout the week before. And today, I felt like God was asking me to take a different route around the lake when I usually take another. So I did, wondering if there was a reason for this. There was. When I was almost commpletely around the lake, the trail was closed due to flooding, and I was forced to turn around and walk the whole lake back again. Seems either God has a sense of humor, or he's taking me on in this whole weight loss journey.



So being slightly out of shape, I felt a little negative about the whole thing. But only briefly. I quickly decided to make the best of it. There's this pier on the other side of the lake that I love to go to the end of and just pause to feel God for a moment in this busy life. And it makes my whole day to do so. During nice weather it's occupied with fishermen or boaters, so I bypass it. And this day I bypassed it again because I just wanted to get this walk over with. But on the way back, I decided that God was calling me to just stop and spend a moment with him. The pier was full of geese that I gently shooed away. I dared not sit on the pier as it was covered in geese droppings. But I stood all the way to the very edge of the pier, and stood in silence as the muddy waters drifted around me. And I could feel His breath in me as I inhaled His air. And I let Him fill me. And I finished my walk, survived the few extra steps, and felt a new calm surround me.



Sometimes all we need is a reason to stop. Just stop. This world is so busy, so much in a rush. And even when there's no reason for hurrying, we find ourselves unable to just STOP. Every time I take my walk with God, I have to wonder what holds me back from doing this more often? Because today, my day is made.

*Pictures taken at Spring Lake last Spring. Just imagine a lot more mud and browner water....

You don't want to know

It seems to me, the most dangerous question to ask me is, "What makes me angry?"*

*as heard in church today, about what lights the fire under my rear....

Not me, Lord

Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it."
Exodus 4:10-17

I am amazed by this scripture. The Lord is giving Moses his commands, his will for Moses and his people. And over and over, Moses gives excuse after excuse as to why he can't do it. And rather than lashing out at Moses' faithlessness, God fixes each problem so that the mission at hand can be carried out more comfortably. I can only imagine the panic going on inside Moses as he prepares to be the leader of thousands of people relying on him. And I understand his hesitation, his begging to be taken off the job. But the Lord, though frustrated with Moses and his lack of faith, takes every problem and finds a solution for it, even though He is Lord, and Moses is not.

I find hope in this scripture for times when I am pleading with the Lord, "Not me Lord, it's too hard." In my own life, I am struggling with being somewhat of a guide for someone who has had a very similar life path to mine, and is still struggling a bit. And it's not easy. It brings up a lot of past stuff from my own life, and conflict on how I should handle certain things. And many times I have begged God, let me off the hook. Let this fizzle out so I can be comfortable in doing nothing. Of course, I could just quit. But this is not what the Lord wants from me. He put me in this person's path to teach her from my experiences. And he put someone in my path who has given me the insight and courage needed to continue my task with new strength and wisdom. He met me at the crossroads and guided me when I needed it.

The Lord is with us always. "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." Proverbs 8:17 He is my comfort, my grace. He is my courage and my strength. When I can't find the words, he gives them to me. When I feel judged and ridiculed, he reminds me of his love. He is never far from me, always surrounding me, constantly blessing me. I am thankful every day because of his love. And I am amazed at how freely he gives it, all we need to do is seek him, and he is there.

In awe of you

Timber Cove

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2

"How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven." Genesis 28:17

"You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you." Nehemiah 9:6

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and blessings bestowed upon me. Thank you for my freedom and my life! I praise you for all you've bestowed upon me, and I pray I never forget how much you've graced me.

Gavin wrote back!

LOL! I knew he'd find me irresistible! Check out the comments.

Snowboarding

"Word up Crissi, you must be a library book, cuz I'm checking you out!"
Who called me with this message?!? It had me in hysterics! I'm guessing Jana, but nobody left a name. Clue, please?

Anyway, I'm nursing a bruised tailbone due to a horrible fall on Wednesday when I went snowboarding. That's right, Crissi got off her duff and did something sporty! I haven't snowboarded in 10 years. When I calculated that, boy did I feel old! To say that I haven't done something in 10 years, and I was a teenager then? Wow.

Being in the Sierras brought back some old memories and good feelings. When I was younger, our family used to go up to the snow almost every weekend. We had a cabin there, and some of our family lives up there, and we felt special to be treated like the locals. They had a bar there where everyone actually DID know our name. My parents aren't drinkers, but that's where all the locals hung out.

Up on the mountain, it was the same thing. We knew a lot of the workers at the lodge. Alpine County is one of those places where if you see a hitchhiker and you had room, you picked them up. Cabin doors are left unlocked, cuz everyone's trustworthy. I don't think it's that trustworthy anymore due to the growing popularity. But you still get that small town feeling, or at least a small town hosting a huge party!

I was nervous about getting up on that hill. I'd skied in recent years, but still felt trauma over a huge accident I'd had at age 12. And I was unsure if I'd snowboard or ski this trip. The trip was totally spur of the moment, decided upon the night before. I barely slept that night, and it took a full 30 seconds at 5 am to figure out what that horrible beeping sound was....my alarm.

I didn't actually make up my mind until right before we got there. I decided to take a lesson, but we got there too late. So I decided to "wing" it. I figured I'd done it before, I'd more or less figure it out. But one step onto that board, and I was afraid I'd made a huge mistake. I practiced on some small hills before heading to the lifts, and could only go a distance of one foot before falling on my fanny. Oh, man, what did I get myself into? I decided to try a little bit larger hill, and was able to make more of a distance due to slightly increased speed, before falling again. I took a chance and headed towards the lift.

I sat alone on that lift, watching the boarders whizzing by below me. I eavesdropped on the instructors of boarding classes, trying to retain some sort of information that would save me from killing myself down that scary bunny hill. And I watched the boarders in front of me glide off the lift at the top of the hill. I prepared my board, guiding it straight and placing my unlocked boot in the center of the board. And when my board reached the snow, I stood up precariously and fell off the lift....

And even worse, when I finally made it to safety from being plowed over by hotshot bunnyslopers, I realized that the zipper on my snow pants shell had split. I sat there in the freezing snow for 20 minutes, fixing the darn things. A tip for all you beginners out there, snow pants shells are only water resistant. The snow will soak all the way to your underwear if you're not careful.

Well, I finally did fix it, and precariously got up. I stood, looking at the enormous downhill. And I decided it wasn't that bad. I pushed off. I remembered how to stop, so I'd go straight, then stop, then straight, then stop. And this time I only fell 15 times. I don't think I'm exaggerating.

But with practice, I was able to get down that hill faster and faster, with fewer falls. I even was able to realistically pretend that I looked like I knew what I was doing. And the guy at the bottom of the lift commented several times that I was getting there pretty fast. I just told him I was falling faster. And my last run? I made it off the ski lift without falling until the bottom of the area! That's when I fell on my tailbone. And I felt it all the way into my teeth. But I had made it without making the lift operator stop the lift altogether. And she gave me a verbal back pat.


This whole experience sort of reminded me of my walk with Jesus. Bear with me here, I'm really not reaching. I've been so negative lately, for those of you who know me. I've been pretty cynical. Know what I've also been? Out of practice. I haven't served, at least not beyond my reasonable service. I don't even think I'm reaching my reasonable service. I've been pretty comfortable in my life. I remember the rush I felt after New Orleans, how on fire I was to serve and spread the love of God. And I look at my life now, and it's such a disappointment. When I get together with friends and we talk about Jesus and helping humanity, I feel that spark, but I'm not letting it light. It's going to take me getting up on that hill, taking a deep breath, and letting myself go at full speed. And when I reach the end, it's going to take me getting back on that chair lift and going again. Sitting at the bottom of that hill, taking baby steps only, that's not going to get me anywhere. I need to keep up the momentum, practice what I've learned, and improve on what I need to learn. I need to use others to help me reach higher heights. And I need to keep that fire lit.

Use me, Lord

"I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out
in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by
dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy
and permanent planet. The proper function of
man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste
my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
Jack London 1876-1916
Jack London's Tales of Adventure